Month: August 2016

What Happens If We Keep Our Hearts Open?

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“Do not let anything that happens in life be important enough that you’re willing to close your heart . . . Nothing, ever, is worth closing your heart over.“
Michael Singer
From the book, “The Untethered Soul”

Recently, I dated a guy for a few weeks. It was an incredibly challenging relationship. We often got along beautifully and had a great time together. And, at the same time, we both kept getting triggered in deep, painful ways.

I’ve dated a lot, I’ve been in many relationships and I’ve never experienced anything like this. Neither of us knew what to make of it.

At one point, when I couldn’t take any more triggering, I sent him a short, “No need to go any further” text. A couple of days later, I realized there might be value in being more mature and less reactive in my communication.

I called him and we agreed to have a closing conversation a couple of days later. We met in a park under a magnificent tree. One of the many things we have in common: a deep connection with trees.

What Happens If We Keep Our Hearts Open?

Maybe the tree worked his magic on us.

We had a wonderful, heartfelt conversation about closing the romantic chapter in the story of us and continuing the connection of our friendship. We sat and talked under that tree for two hours.

I felt strangely neutral. I came away from our time together with a deep appreciation for each of us and our connection. And totally clear that we’d made a great decision.

The next day, I read the Michael Singer quote above. It startled me. Maybe I’ve become more willing to keep my heart open regardless of circumstances?!?

So, what happens if we keep our hearts open? For me, it feels life-affirming, empowering and kind of like how it’s suppose to be . . .

I’d love to hear your experiences . . . post them below in the comments section . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)

What If We Didn’t Fight Ourselves?

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After studying A Course of Love for 10 months, I finished reading it a couple of months ago. At the end of the book, it instructed me to begin again – read it a second time!

Since then, I had resisted rereading. After all, it is not light summer vacation reading.

Then, a couple of weeks ago in my study group, I was guided to re-read several specific chapters. In the past two weeks, I have repeatedly read and re-read seven chapters.

These chapters addressed what to do about not liking several situations in my life. My takeaways: I do not have to like the circumstances, but rather I need to accept how I feel about the circumstances.

What If We Didn’t Fight Ourselves?
Homage to an Audi.  I loved this car, my dream car.  Such a beautiful car and an amazing driving experience.  And a few weeks ago her engine died.  To say I didn’t like this is a ridiculous understatement.  I’m still grieving.  And, I have accepted that I’m still grieving.  And yes, I know she was “just a car.”  A car that I loved.

This has been life-changing for me. I quit fighting myself and my feelings.

I wonder if every war there ever was, internal and external, was started to get away from feelings we didn’t like.

What a simple solution to accept that I feel sad or mad, lonely or hopeless, envious or not enough rather than wage an internal battle against these feelings or try to get away from them.

As I’ve accepted my feelings, I’ve felt this new tenderness for myself. It’s also been heartwarming to witness how quickly my feelings shift as I am willing to embrace them. And, I’ve noticed that I’m advocating for what I need and desire in a more clear and direct way.

I highly recommend accepting whatever you are feeling.

I’d love to hear your experiences . . . post them below in the comments section . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)

How Do You Restore Inner Peace? In Just a Few Minutes?

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You may not realize this, but chances are good you already know the answer for you!

Let me tell you my answer, and then let’s explore yours . . .

A few days ago, several challenges occurred on top of each other, minutes before I was to meet with my next client on the phone. Instead of attempting to resolve all of them in that time, I instinctively went outside and laid on the ground.

I am still astonished by how quickly Mother Earth restores my inner peace even though I have known this since I was a little kid. And, I love that my job requires me to be in a state of inner peace!

During those few minutes of laying on the ground, anger dissolved into love and open-heartedness around one situation. A second challenge became easily resolvable. I found kind wording for dissolving a third challenge. And, the exhaustion I had felt disappeared.

All that in less than 10 minutes and I was ready for my client a few minutes ahead of schedule.

That’s how I restore my inner peace.

At some point, this conversation comes up with almost all of my clients.

One realizes that walking her dog, even just around the block, almost always does the trick. Another puts on loud music and dances like crazy for 3 to 5 minutes. Yet another asks himself, “What is the Big Boy response here?” Years ago, one of my clients took her kids to the park. Now that they are growing and grown, she goes for a run in the park.

So, what about you?

For many of us, it’s a physical thing. For a few, it’s some kind of mental challenge. For others, engaging in or reading something that touches their heart or stirs their creativity. For some, it involves extending kindness or care to another.

I challenge each of us to make a written list of our top 3.

How Do You Restore Inner Peace? In Just a Few Minutes?
In addition to laying on the ground, I find sitting on the ground and stacking rocks brings me back to inner peace.

Mine:

  • Laying or sitting on the ground.
  • Shaking out every part of my body to an energizing song.
  • Singing along at the top of my lungs with one of my favorite songs, currently “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon.

Yours?
Post them below in the comments section . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)

How Does Being Present in the Moment Vaporize Fear?

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“You’ve been walking in circles, searching. Don’t drink by the water’s edge. Throw yourself in. Become the water. Only then will your thirst end.”
– Jeanette Berson

When we throw ourselves in and become the water, we are completely present. And when we are completely present, we have no fear.

AnnStrongblogpost081116
What does it take to become the water?

Fear lives in the past through regret. Fear lives in the future through uncertainty. Fear lives in attempting to control others and outcomes.

My clients often question me about being present when they don’t like the present. It’s such a great question because we as humans spend a lot of time attempting to avoid what we don’t like.

A vivid experiential answer I have for that comes from when I used to have debilitating migraines. I spent a lot of time fighting them, doing anything I could to distract myself from the pain.

When I’d exhausted all those distractions and myself, I would finally surrender. What I found in those present moments after the surrender: this sweet, tender way of being there with me, for me.

Every time, it seemed so strange to me to be relishing being with myself while at the same time experiencing excruciating pain. I no longer feared the pain. I accepted it and I stayed with myself through it – cherishing myself as the beloved.

Ah, to be the water. So very similar to being the migraine. Isn’t that fascinating?!?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)

How Have You Forgotten Yourself as the Creator of Life?

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I’ve had many opportunities in the past few weeks to forget that I am the creator of Life. I’ve been working overtime trying to figure out how to resolve, work through, fix, heal or eradicate certain situations.

When I finally turned all of it over to meditation, this is what I heard, “The time of ‘figuring it out’ is over. Do you see that you are not in charge AND you are the creator of Life? ‘In charge’ is about fear of the past and trying to manipulate the future to correct the past.”

“Instead, you know that Life is created in the present. As you are present to Life, you are the creator of Life, you are in relationship with Life, you are receiving Life.”

Well, that was a clear distinction for me! As I understand it, I need to refrain from trying to manipulate what is, but rather to be present to, in relationship with and receive what is.

How Have You Forgotten Yourself as the Creator of Life?
Ah, to be present to, be in relationship with and receive this creation. That’s Life!

How does that make me the creator of Life? I have a strong felt sense of it and I find it hard to articulate it.

Here’s what I’m seeing in this moment. When I try to manipulate, I’m completely missing what I’ve already created. When I’m in relationship with what I’ve created, I’m at peace because I’m not fighting it. When I receive what I’ve created, I experience the beauty, mystery and meaning of the creation.

Even when it’s super uncomfortable and not what I think I wanted.

It’s easy to know I’m the creator of Life when I love what I create. And, I’m finding that the more I am willing to receive what is regardless of my feelings about what is, the more I experience knowing I am the creator of Life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)