Clarity

What’s the Extraordinary Value of a Focus for the New Year?

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In addition to, or sometimes instead of, helping my clients set goals for the new year, I also help them discover their theme to focus on for the year. They often receive the theme “out of the blue.”

This is what gives the focus/theme extraordinary value. Instead of methodically and intellectually determining our goals, we intuitively and mysteriously receive our focus/theme. It gives us a very broad and deep approach to our own growth and development.

One of my clients received Listening as her focus for the new year. Another client’s focus is Being Her Own Best Friend. Mine is Seeing Anew.

What’s the Extraordinary Value of a Focus for the New Year?

I received mine on the eve of the Solstice. One of the things I’ve noticed since then is how habitually I think I know what it is I’m seeing. I love that I’m already beginning to naturally ask myself, “What is really here? What else can I see? When I look through my Eyes of Love, my Christ Eyes, what do I see?”

So what about you? Did a focus or theme come to you as you were reading this? Did you already know yours? If not, are you willing to receive yours?

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

How Can You Be the Light that You Are?

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To be the light that we are, all we need do is release resisting, denying and fighting with ourselves.

From December 22, 2009:

Yesterday, to celebrate the Winter Solstice, I spent time in City Park hanging out near one of my favorite trees and watching (what seemed like) ten thousand geese. A couple of years ago, I “heard” that this particular tree’s name is Grace. which suits her so beautifully. She embodies natural, elegant grace.

How Can You Be the Light that You Are?

Grace and her partner, Slim

As I pondered the gifts of the Solstice, I realized how completely and effortlessly Grace is Grace, the Light that is Grace. As is each of those geese the Light that is each of them. Goose number one: the Light that is Goose number one. Goose number two: the Light that is Goose number two. (I haven’t learned each of their names, yet!)

Without any strain, second-guessing or stress, every tree and every goose in the park is naturally and fully the Light that they are.

So, today, this day after the darkest day in the northern hemisphere, I offer you my deepest wish of this sacred season, given to me by the trees and the geese.

May you pause for a moment now to recognize and fully take in the completely unique Light that you are, a blessing to the world. No need to do anything, no need to be different than you are, no strain, no second-guessing, no stress. Simply breathing into the Light that is you.

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own Being.”
– Hafiz

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below. Proclaim your true identity here now!

What Is the Best Way to Easily Sign More Clients?

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Shift your focus.

Inevitably, when I get into the nitty gritty with one of my clients about what’s in the way of them signing new clients, the root of the issue is some variation of self-focus and self-consciousness.

I hear things like:
“I don’t like to ask them to become a client.”
“If they want to hire me, they’ll ask me.”
“I’m not good at sales.”
“I don’t want to ask them to pay now because their first session isn’t until Thursday.”
“I don’t have my website up yet.”

Where is the focus? I, me, my concerns, my ideas.

What Is the Best Way to Easily Sign More Clients?

As the sun does not concern itself with whether or not it feels like rising today, so too can we show up and serve without concern about nonsensical internal chatter.
(Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe)

What if we shift the focus of ourselves and onto the potential client?

Why might the client need us to ask them to become a client? Because change is scary. They are hiring us to support them in making changes. What happens if we start supporting them now by asking them to become a client so they can receive support throughout the change process?

What happens for the client if we wait for them to ask to become a client? They find many clever ways to procrastinate, forget, resist and wander away from the very changes they would love to make.

What if you quit thinking about how good or not good you are at sales and instead put your focus on serving the client? Would it serve them to sign up with you now? Then sign them up.

If the person in front of you has told you they want to become a client and scheduled their first session for Thursday, then have them seal their commitment to themselves by having them pay now.

A client is not signed up until they pay. No exceptions.

And, if they aren’t signed up, they’ll find many reasons to change their mind about meeting Thursday. Take that fretting of the table for them. Now.

And, what does having your website up have to do with your clients’ needs? If someone is in front of you now, ready to change, sign them up. Whether you have a website or went for your walk this morning.

If you would love to serve more clients and make more money in the process, then take your focus off yourself. Put your focus on the needs and concerns of the people in front of you. Be prepared to be amazed by how many new clients you sign!

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

Finally Coming to Know How to Be Grateful for All

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For years, well decades really, I’ve wondered how to be grateful when “bad” things happen. As I become more and more aware that I don’t have a clue what’s “bad” and what’s “good,” it’s slowly dawning on me that this is the doorway.

As I don’t so quickly push away “bad” things, I’m giving myself the opportunity to be with them, to be with everything – “good” and “bad.”

As I allow myself to simply be with things, rather than categorizing and exiling the “bad,” then I’m way more relaxed.

Apparently labeling and banishing has taken a whole lotta energy.

As I’m accepting more and judging less, I breathe deeper and feel grateful for that additional oxygen. With more oxygen circulating throughout me, it occurs to me that anything I refuse to accept literally takes life away from me.

Finally Coming to Know How to Be Grateful for All

As I accept more and more, I have more and more access to life, all life. I get to experience the sweetness in each moment, whether it’s the sweetness of joy, the sweetness of heartbreak or one of the infinite varieties of sweetness.

I am there, in the moment. Fully alive, fully available, fully accepting. Now that’s something to be fully grateful for!

For those of you in the US, Happy Thanksgiving.

For all of us, may we be fully grateful for all of it!

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

How Do We Stop Election Fear from Within?

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One of my mentors, Dicken Bettinger, posted thoughts on Facebook worth repeating here today.

“The real question is not what will happen as a result of this election.

Politicians do not determine the overall level of well-being of those who live in their country.

To me, the real questions are:

  • Can we look within and set aside our judgmental thoughts of others?
  • Can we find love and understanding in our hearts?
  • Can we bring these feelings to each other, especially those who disagree with us?
  • Can we find tolerance deep in our souls, especially for those who see life differently than we do?
  • Can we find within us the spirit of cooperation that is based on tolerance and respect so that we can truly work together to create a society that is looking out for what is best for the whole rather than just our own self-interests?

How Do We Stop Election Fear from Within?

The problems of the world ultimately will not be resolved on a political level. The problems of the world will ultimately be resolved only by each of us bringing more love and understanding into the world.

May we all get better at listening for, and to, the inner wisdom that continues to guide us toward a more peaceful and loving world community.”

– Dicken Bettinger, originally published on Facebook

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

Where Is the Sweet Spot for Growing Your Business?

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Last week I attended an “Intentional Connections For Business” in Albuquerque with two of my friends who are also coaches. When we left the event, I realized that the focus had been deeper conversations, which had been wonderful.

What was missing was an easy way to stay connected and further the conversation. The event had been billed as the opposite of typical networking. To make sure we understood, the flyer included a graphic of a business card with a red circle with a slash through it to communicate “business card–free zone.”

While I understood the intent, I knew it had gone too far to the other extreme when I saw my friend, Karin, writing people’s contact info on the edge of a handout. I took a different approach and didn’t exchange info with anyone because I thought we weren’t “suppose to.” Despite it being a no card exchange place, I did manage to get the name of Catdi Printing which is a business card printing company from one of the businesses. If you are not into the idea how about Metal Business Kards where you can exchange high-quality handouts with the information about you and your business. 

As we drove home that evening, we all three realized we’d received value from the deeper connection and mindful structure of the event and felt stifled by the artificial boundary around networking and business cards. 

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I find the sweet spot in growing my business often tends to be the beautiful mix of two extremes.

We want to do business in an authentic way with people who have similar values and we want it to be easy and natural to continue the conversation. That lead to a rich conversation among the three of us about how we could each grow our businesses in a heartfelt and effective way. We spoke about many companies which inadvertently led me to mention this https://www.linkedin.com/company/gds-group Linkedin profile of the company which I’d hired to do all my marketing.

For me the sweet spot involves sharing and serving freely, generously having conversations to see if coaching with me is a great fit and directly asking for the business if it is.

What about you? What specifics create your sweet spot?
If you haven’t thought about it like this, what might help you gain clarity?

I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose“)

What Question Could Get Significantly Better Results?

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For most of us, if we notice the nature of our self-talk over a short period of time, we will become aware of repetitive, self-defeating questions.

“What’s wrong with me?” “Will I ever be able to do this better?” “Why can’t I _______ (you fill in the blank)?”

One of my clients tended in several areas of her life to ask, “Why don’t I have _____?” She has now shifted to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to have _____?”

Another client believes her circumstances are so unusual that there is no solution to what she wants. She has now started asking, “What unusual way can this come about even if I believe it can’t?” So fun. So effective.

I just recently noticed that I frequently ask myself what I need to do to bring in my minimum income each month. Guess how much income I’ve been bringing in consistently! I have now very consciously shifted the question to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to bring in my desired income?” How much more fun is that?!?

On a lighter note, since I moved to New Mexico two years ago, I have been completely frustrated trying to get a good full moon shot. Over and over, I’ve asked myself what it would take, without doing anything differently. I didn’t realize what I meant was “who would it take?”

What Question Could Get Significantly Better Results?

Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe

Check out this breath-taking shot of the Hunters Moon setting beyond the Jemez Mountains west of Santa Fe taken and generously shared by my neighbor, Eric Saltmarsh. Thank goodness I wasn’t too attached to my question about how I would be the one to do this!

So, what about you? What questions do you repeatedly ask yourself that could use a significant upgrade for a whole new answer?

As always, I’d love your input and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

Why Do You Need to Know How to Release Certainty?

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Every time we are certain of something, we narrow our world.
“I can’t go hiking with you today because it’s too hot.”

I’m certain it’s too hot and I’m certain that too hot is “bad” for me, therefore I will stay home. If I might like to go hiking, but think it’s too hot, what happens if I remain open and curious?

Maybe I’ll go and take extra water. Maybe I’ll be willing to go for a short time. Maybe I’ll go, hike a bit and then sit in the shade. Maybe I’ll notice I don’t need certain conditions to be happy, to enjoy the day.

Why Do You Need to Know How to Release Certainty?
Me creating my own shade on a day that was probably too hot for me!

What if I avoid a specific person because I’ve decided she’s too shallow? What if she then tells me something deep and meaningful? What if I then notice I feel connected to her? What if I notice my certainty had kept me away from her for years?

What if you won’t grow your business because you’re not good at sales? What if you notice that you are the one who decided you’re not good at sales? What if you open to the infinite possibilities around how to sell? What if you release your certainty about sales and a used car salesmen being one and the same?

We might want to learn how to release certainty to give ourselves the gift of richer, fuller, more meaningful and expansive lives.

Okay, so how do we release certainty? I do often get too hot, I don’t like superficial and you’re not good at sales.

Wow, look how definitive are each of these statements. They sound like absolute truths when, in actuality, they are preferences or tendencies.

What would happen if I allowed myself to enjoy my life whether I’m “too hot” or just the right temperature? How might my life shift if I was curious about the person in front of me, instead of having already decided who she is? How might your business grow if you expanded your view of sales?

What if we accepted and embraced life on life’s terms instead of demanding our list of certainties?

As we begin to hear our selves say, “I can’t,” “I don’t like . . .,” “That’s not me,” we give ourselves the opportunity to release certainty in favor of openness and curiosity. As we notice our self-created suffering around not having our preferences, we can make a new choice in the moment to be happy anyway.

Perhaps a new perspective on “having it all?!?”

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

What If You Have the Key to Your Freedom?

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“So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains
That we never even know we have the key . . .”
~ Lyrics from Already Gone, Eagles

Earlier today one of my clients sent me these lyrics because they reminded her of some of our coaching conversations. The Eagles were my sister’s favorite band when we shared a room in the mid seventies. I’ve probably heard that song a thousand times and never heard those lyrics on their own.

It’s strange that I had never picked out those specific lyrics because they are meaningful to me. The foundation of my life purpose involves helping us free ourselves from our innocently self-created prisons. Thank you Eagles for planting seeds in my teenage psyche!

So what is this key?

Over and over again, as I grow and evolve and as my clients grow and evolve, I see that the less involved we are with the content of our thoughts, the more free we are.

When we recognize there is actually a witness to all these thoughts – and that we are that witness – we begin to realize we may not be as crazy as we have feared. Indeed, we tend to have some crazy thinking, but we are not that. We are the witness of that.

And, when we recognize that we can choose to not engage with trying to take care of all the problems that seem to be in our thoughts, we have freed up a whole bunch of time and energy for living.

What If You Have the Key to Your Freedom?
Ah, to living!

Imagine if we never again tried to answer the question, “I wonder what he is thinking about me?” Or, if we simply noticed that we were once again upset for being upset but allowed ourselves be okay with it. Nothing to fix. Or, we started to rehearse what we were going to say and realized we didn’t need to rehearse.

So, what about you? What if you are not your thoughts? What if you don’t have to fix the problems of your thoughts? What if you don’t have to attempt to control every aspect of your existence? What if you notice that your true identity is part of All That Is? And that life is organizing itself beautifully without addressing all that repetitive thinking inside you?

What a glorious key to our freedom . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

How Do Our Unconscious Conspiracy Ideas Harm Us?

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“In one of my favorite studies described in The Storytelling Animal, a team of psychologists asked shoppers to choose a pair of socks among seven pairs and then to give their reasons for choosing that particular pair. Every shopper explained their choice based on subtle differences in color, texture, and stitching. No shopper said, ‘I don’t know why this is my choice,’ or ‘I have no idea why I picked that one.’ All of them had a story that explained their decision. But here’s the kicker: All of the socks were identical. Gottschall explains that all of the shoppers told stories that made their decisions seem rational. But they really weren’t. He writes, ‘The stories were confabulations – lies, honestly told.'”

Brené Brown
From the book, Rising Strong

rising strong

Brown goes on to say, “The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness.” When something in our lives feels painful to us, instead of feeling the hurt, we tend to jump to meaning-making.

Instead of feeling the pain of losing a client or learning our partner had an affair, we tend to explain these events with one of our core wounds. “See, there it is again. People always end up abandoning me.” Or, “Of course they left, of course they cheated. I’m not good enough.”

Our brains find comfort in patterns and our core wounds are familiar patterns. This is the booby prize.

If we are instead willing to feel our feelings, then we have the opportunity to be present with ourselves. We create a powerful pause that helps us to not automatically choose fear-based, self-protecting stories that end up keeping us scared and shut down.

By being willing to feel our feelings, we give ourselves the opportunity to then choose to look at the story we are creating. This begins the process of ending the pattern of innocently dooming ourselves to repeat the story of our core wounds over and over again.

Instead, we can get curious about “the story I’m making up is . . .” We can explore our emotions, bodies, thoughts, beliefs and actions. As we are willing to examine our stories and reactions, we come to see that there may not be a conspiracy after all.

We become less self-protective and more generous in looking at our assumptions. In the end, we become more wholehearted.

If you haven’t read Rising Strong, I highly recommend it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences . . . post them below in the comments section . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)