After studying A Course of Love for 10 months, I finished reading it a couple of months ago. At the end of the book, it instructed me to begin again – read it a second time!
Since then, I had resisted rereading. After all, it is not light summer vacation reading.
Then, a couple of weeks ago in my study group, I was guided to re-read several specific chapters. In the past two weeks, I have repeatedly read and re-read seven chapters.
These chapters addressed what to do about not liking several situations in my life. My takeaways: I do not have to like the circumstances, but rather I need to accept how I feel about the circumstances.
Homage to an Audi. I loved this car, my dream car. Such a beautiful car and an amazing driving experience. And a few weeks ago her engine died. To say I didn’t like this is a ridiculous understatement. I’m still grieving. And, I have accepted that I’m still grieving. And yes, I know she was “just a car.” A car that I loved.
This has been life-changing for me. I quit fighting myself and my feelings.
I wonder if every war there ever was, internal and external, was started to get away from feelings we didn’t like.
What a simple solution to accept that I feel sad or mad, lonely or hopeless, envious or not enough rather than wage an internal battle against these feelings or try to get away from them.
As I’ve accepted my feelings, I’ve felt this new tenderness for myself. It’s also been heartwarming to witness how quickly my feelings shift as I am willing to embrace them. And, I’ve noticed that I’m advocating for what I need and desire in a more clear and direct way.
I highly recommend accepting whatever you are feeling.
I’d love to hear your experiences . . . post them below in the comments section . . .
(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)
An interesting post script two weeks later:
My grief about the death of my beloved car feels almost complete. Somehow by sharing my vulnerable story here in this public forum, I seem to have freed myself. Who knew?!?
Well Abraham must be a greater man than I! I don’t have any interest in dragging a feeling kicking and screaming into my future and I have definitely felt feelings for more than 90 seconds.
At this moment, I don’t feel sadness or grief. What I do feel: tons of appreciation for my life and for this glorious day.
I have a sense that sharing here about my car created some healing in that raw area. And, should another wave of grief visit down the road, I will simply be present with it in the moment. On the other hand, should I never experience any more grief about the car, that would be wonderful.
Ken, thanks for deepening my awareness – as you are so good at doing!
Abraham taught that any feeling genuinely felt would pass in a few seconds, certainly fewer than 30. If we could manage to hold onto a feeling for as long as 90 seconds we were “dragging it kicking and screaming into our future.” Whether or not this is literally true, it does sound to me like what you are describing—when I accept my feelings they aren’t so bad (or so good!) after all, they are simply the feeling of that moment.
I suspect many of us have tried to avoid or deny certain feelings because we are afraid we might be stuck in them. The way past is through, rather than around!
Avatar teaches this also—when a “negative” appears, exaggerate it! That is usually a fun experience, actually, and from first-hand experience I can certify that it works.