behavior patterns

What Might Life Look Like Beyond Following the Rules

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“The laws of love are not rules, facts, or right answers. The laws of love bring spiritual freedom, the freedom that lies beyond belief, beyond thought, beyond adherence to any authority other than one’s own heart.”

– A Course of Love
Mari Perron, First Receiver

I’ve become increasingly aware that I’ve created many rules for my life because I’ve thought that following the rules would keep me safe.

Creating a new life in a new state, knowing no one when I first moved to New Mexico 2½ years ago has opened my eyes a bit.

A few of my rules for good living before New Mexico:

  • Don’t join groups. They don’t work for you. You are a one-on-one person.
  • Don’t ever buy a brand-new car. It’s a waste of money.
  • Don’t spend more than an hour on a first date. If it doesn’t go well, cut your losses. If it does go well, don’t let him know you like him too much.

Here’s what I’ve noticed since living in New Mexico.

First, it may seem like loosening my grip on my own rules isn’t related to New Mexico. Yet, I know it is because I followed my heart when I moved here.

Then I joined 3 groups: an Entrepreneurial Women’s Group, The Trusted Advisor’s Network and The Celebration church. I met almost all of my closest peeps through these groups.

Then, I started 3 new, smaller groups with 2 of the women I had met through the Trusted Advisor’s Network. A group of 5 women studying A Course of Love, a monthly Women’s Questioning Circle with 6 women and a Mindful Business Accelerator group of 7 women and men.

Sometimes the groups have been super challenging for me. And, I have grown so much! Also, I’ve formed wonderful, deep heart-connections with more people than I had in the past.

As for a new car, well, one day, after buying another used car only 5 months before, I had a new idea. It became okay, even if it was a waste of money, because I wanted to experience driving a new car and not focusing on repairs for awhile.

What Might Life Look Like Beyond Following the Rules
A new car for The Land of Enchantment!

I’ve had my new car for only 4 months and I’ve loved every minute! It hasn’t been earth-shattering. It just feels good to me. And, it feels fantastic to have done something different for myself. I’ll check back with you in a few years on this one.

Ah, those first dates . . . I’ve been on several. One lasted a half hour. Most lasted a couple of hours. The most recent one lasted a half day. All good choices.

What I learned by breaking that rule involved connecting with another human being rather than trying to assess “in” or “out” in record time so as to not “waste” my time.

So, what about you? What rules might you have created? Might you like to experiment with following your heart a bit more?

Tell us about it – post your thoughts and comments below . . .

Full Glory

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“It’s not going to work.”
“I’m not good enough.”

Ah, the dream-killer voice
of my human self.

That’s my cue 
to turn it over 
to the Divine.

Dearest High Glory of All, 
I give you this doubt and fear.

I don’t need to 
try to muscle out of it.


I simply give you 

my perceived limitations



Bobcat
Perhaps this situation calls for my inner bobcat?

and then go about my business,

living my Full Glory of You.

As always, please post your thoughts and comments below . . .

The Counterintuitive Way to Be with Panic Rising

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Panic Rising

Feeling this sensation
Inside me
that I tend to call
Panic.

Noticing.
Breathing.
Feeling urgency
and refraining from
Thinking.
Labeling.
Judging.

Instead.
Being.
Being with the
Sensation
Inside of me.

Ah,
False alarm.
Nothing to do.

Simply a
Call.
To be.

Be with myself.
Allowing the rising.

Noticing rising
Is always followed
by subsiding.

The Counterintuitive Way to Be with Panic Rising

Rising.
Subsiding.

Rising.
Subsiding.

Surrendering.
Accepting.
Breathing.

Feeling this sensation
Inside me
that I tend to call
Bliss.

Noticing.
Breathing.
Feeling attachment
and refraining from
Thinking.
Labeling.
Judging.

Being.
Being with the
Sensation
Inside of me.

Ah,
False alarm.
Nothing to do.

Simply a
Call
To be.

Be with myself.
Allowing the rising.

Noticing rising
Is always followed
by subsiding.

Rising.
Subsiding.

Rising.
Subsiding.

Surrendering.
Accepting.
Breathing.

Learning to love.

The rising.
The subsiding.

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

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When I first moved back to New Mexico two and a half years ago, I created a wonderful, ever-changing art project for myself. I filled a white, ceramic, shallow, baking bowl with fine black sand and created a new Zen “rock garden” daily, or as inspired.

On my daily walks, I would notice which small rocks wanted to come home with me to play in the rock garden. I loved collecting various sizes, shapes, colors and textures. The interplay between matte finishes and shimmery finishes delighted me.

I put all possible rock players in a basket in a drawer beneath my butcher block counter top. Whenever I felt like it, usually while waiting for my coffee to brew, I would take the current rocks out of the garden and arrange new ones. Sometimes the basket got too full to close the draw and then some of the rocks would go back outside.

I loved the ever-changing parade of rocks in the consistent, stable environment of the white bowl with the black sand. One of the best parts of the ritual involved picking my “favorite” rocks to play with on any particular day.

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

After a few months, the same rock garden would stay in place for weeks or months. One day last summer, the wind kicked up through the open widow behind the rock garden and, in a moment, black sand was all over the kitchen. After I had cleaned up everything, I put the bowl and what was left of the sand into a cupboard.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, when I felt inspired to put the rock garden back in service. Once again, I was enjoying the ever-changing art. Then, spontaneously, a few days ago, I decided to change it up. I had pulled the rocks out of the sand and was beginning to choose the next rocks to play.

Then I had the thought, “why don’t I pick the rocks that want to play without looking at them?” So I did. When I looked at the rocks I had picked without looking at them, I felt disappointed. I wondered, “How could I make any beauty with these rocks?”

Boy, was I wrong. I placed the rocks and THERE it was: Beauty where I thought there wasn’t any!!! Turns out that when I allow and receive, it works out as well or better than when I choose “my favorites.”

For fun, I’ve included photos of three different rock gardens. Which one of them do you think has the “random” rocks rather than the “chosen” rocks?

So what about you? What might be the value for you in releasing control in a particular area of your life right now?

What If There’s Huge Value in Not Reaching Our Goals?

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Two of my clients didn’t reach goals around their health this year. Another didn’t reach his financial goals. I had high hopes for getting my two-year-old cat, Miles, healthy by the end of the year. We aren’t there yet. This may sound strange coming from a coach who makes her living helping clients reach their goals.

So, here’s the thing: When we don’t reach the goals our human ego sets, we have the opportunity to create a deeper, more intimate relationship with ourselves. We become a new person on the way to achieving the human goals. And, we get further in those human areas than if we hadn’t set the goals.

The two clients who have goals around their health are becoming far more self-compassionate, self-loving and their own best friends.

The client with financial goals is learning to give himself credit for being in the process. He’s also learning about his inner security as he works on his outer security.

What If There’s Huge Value in Not Reaching Our Goals?

As for me and Miles, I’ve gotten to experience his unconditional affection, no matter how he feels. I’m learning patience and accepting what is. I’m learning that me being nervous and frustrated affects both of us poorly.

For all of us, we have the opportunity to set new goals, perhaps with a bit more wisdom about ourselves.

So what about you? Are there goals you didn’t reach this year? If so, how might you find the huge value for you?

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

Happy Solstice!

What Is the Best Way to Easily Sign More Clients?

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Shift your focus.

Inevitably, when I get into the nitty gritty with one of my clients about what’s in the way of them signing new clients, the root of the issue is some variation of self-focus and self-consciousness.

I hear things like:
“I don’t like to ask them to become a client.”
“If they want to hire me, they’ll ask me.”
“I’m not good at sales.”
“I don’t want to ask them to pay now because their first session isn’t until Thursday.”
“I don’t have my website up yet.”

Where is the focus? I, me, my concerns, my ideas.

What Is the Best Way to Easily Sign More Clients?

As the sun does not concern itself with whether or not it feels like rising today, so too can we show up and serve without concern about nonsensical internal chatter.
(Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe)

What if we shift the focus of ourselves and onto the potential client?

Why might the client need us to ask them to become a client? Because change is scary. They are hiring us to support them in making changes. What happens if we start supporting them now by asking them to become a client so they can receive support throughout the change process?

What happens for the client if we wait for them to ask to become a client? They find many clever ways to procrastinate, forget, resist and wander away from the very changes they would love to make.

What if you quit thinking about how good or not good you are at sales and instead put your focus on serving the client? Would it serve them to sign up with you now? Then sign them up.

If the person in front of you has told you they want to become a client and scheduled their first session for Thursday, then have them seal their commitment to themselves by having them pay now.

A client is not signed up until they pay. No exceptions.

And, if they aren’t signed up, they’ll find many reasons to change their mind about meeting Thursday. Take that fretting of the table for them. Now.

And, what does having your website up have to do with your clients’ needs? If someone is in front of you now, ready to change, sign them up. Whether you have a website or went for your walk this morning.

If you would love to serve more clients and make more money in the process, then take your focus off yourself. Put your focus on the needs and concerns of the people in front of you. Be prepared to be amazed by how many new clients you sign!

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

Finally Coming to Know How to Be Grateful for All

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For years, well decades really, I’ve wondered how to be grateful when “bad” things happen. As I become more and more aware that I don’t have a clue what’s “bad” and what’s “good,” it’s slowly dawning on me that this is the doorway.

As I don’t so quickly push away “bad” things, I’m giving myself the opportunity to be with them, to be with everything – “good” and “bad.”

As I allow myself to simply be with things, rather than categorizing and exiling the “bad,” then I’m way more relaxed.

Apparently labeling and banishing has taken a whole lotta energy.

As I’m accepting more and judging less, I breathe deeper and feel grateful for that additional oxygen. With more oxygen circulating throughout me, it occurs to me that anything I refuse to accept literally takes life away from me.

Finally Coming to Know How to Be Grateful for All

As I accept more and more, I have more and more access to life, all life. I get to experience the sweetness in each moment, whether it’s the sweetness of joy, the sweetness of heartbreak or one of the infinite varieties of sweetness.

I am there, in the moment. Fully alive, fully available, fully accepting. Now that’s something to be fully grateful for!

For those of you in the US, Happy Thanksgiving.

For all of us, may we be fully grateful for all of it!

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

What If We Love the Beautiful and the Mess?

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A few weeks ago, after working with a client, I was reflecting on the messiness of being human. The piece below came forth. Yesterday, I was agitated about the messiness of my own life and thought it might be good to share this piece!

What If We Love the Beautiful and the Mess?

So, I’m not getting my work done as fast as I’d like . . . Do I really want to overlook the pure joy in this “annoyance?”


All of It

Without perfection,
there’s presence.

Without criticism,
expression.

Without procrastination,
progress.

Attempting perfection
brings completion.

Hearing criticism,
compassion.

Procrastinating,
a bit of movement.

Breathing in,
Breathing out,
completing the circle
of being alive.

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

What Question Could Get Significantly Better Results?

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For most of us, if we notice the nature of our self-talk over a short period of time, we will become aware of repetitive, self-defeating questions.

“What’s wrong with me?” “Will I ever be able to do this better?” “Why can’t I _______ (you fill in the blank)?”

One of my clients tended in several areas of her life to ask, “Why don’t I have _____?” She has now shifted to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to have _____?”

Another client believes her circumstances are so unusual that there is no solution to what she wants. She has now started asking, “What unusual way can this come about even if I believe it can’t?” So fun. So effective.

I just recently noticed that I frequently ask myself what I need to do to bring in my minimum income each month. Guess how much income I’ve been bringing in consistently! I have now very consciously shifted the question to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to bring in my desired income?” How much more fun is that?!?

On a lighter note, since I moved to New Mexico two years ago, I have been completely frustrated trying to get a good full moon shot. Over and over, I’ve asked myself what it would take, without doing anything differently. I didn’t realize what I meant was “who would it take?”

What Question Could Get Significantly Better Results?

Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe

Check out this breath-taking shot of the Hunters Moon setting beyond the Jemez Mountains west of Santa Fe taken and generously shared by my neighbor, Eric Saltmarsh. Thank goodness I wasn’t too attached to my question about how I would be the one to do this!

So, what about you? What questions do you repeatedly ask yourself that could use a significant upgrade for a whole new answer?

As always, I’d love your input and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

What Are the Many Triggers of Grief?

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Grief arises from any event or new condition that shatters
the foundation you previously knew as your reality.
– goldenwillowretreat.com

Very few of us embrace grief as part of living. We tend to reserve the idea of grieving for something we do after someone has died. And we don’t want to do that for very long or talk about it much at all.

We do ourselves a huge disservice by keeping grief in the shadows.

When we recognize the loss in the death of a loved one, a diminished savings account, grown children moving to another state or a health diagnosis, we give ourselves the opportunity to feel what we’re feeling and allow a new identity to emerge.

What losses have you experienced that demanded a new you?

What Are the Many Triggers of Grief?

Most of us tend to not want a new identity. Yet our former identity is no longer available.

If we don’t take the conscious journey of grieving, we tend to numb ourselves, sometimes to the point of barely living.

If we do take the conscious journey of grieving, we give ourselves the opportunity to embrace more of who we truly are and perhaps even serve others in a whole new way.

Ironically, consciously grieving gifts us with more authentic, joyful living.

If you’ve read this far, I would love you to share something in the comments. Let’s move grief out of the shadows . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)