living in the now

What Might Life Look Like Beyond Following the Rules

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“The laws of love are not rules, facts, or right answers. The laws of love bring spiritual freedom, the freedom that lies beyond belief, beyond thought, beyond adherence to any authority other than one’s own heart.”

– A Course of Love
Mari Perron, First Receiver

I’ve become increasingly aware that I’ve created many rules for my life because I’ve thought that following the rules would keep me safe.

Creating a new life in a new state, knowing no one when I first moved to New Mexico 2½ years ago has opened my eyes a bit.

A few of my rules for good living before New Mexico:

  • Don’t join groups. They don’t work for you. You are a one-on-one person.
  • Don’t ever buy a brand-new car. It’s a waste of money.
  • Don’t spend more than an hour on a first date. If it doesn’t go well, cut your losses. If it does go well, don’t let him know you like him too much.

Here’s what I’ve noticed since living in New Mexico.

First, it may seem like loosening my grip on my own rules isn’t related to New Mexico. Yet, I know it is because I followed my heart when I moved here.

Then I joined 3 groups: an Entrepreneurial Women’s Group, The Trusted Advisor’s Network and The Celebration church. I met almost all of my closest peeps through these groups.

Then, I started 3 new, smaller groups with 2 of the women I had met through the Trusted Advisor’s Network. A group of 5 women studying A Course of Love, a monthly Women’s Questioning Circle with 6 women and a Mindful Business Accelerator group of 7 women and men.

Sometimes the groups have been super challenging for me. And, I have grown so much! Also, I’ve formed wonderful, deep heart-connections with more people than I had in the past.

As for a new car, well, one day, after buying another used car only 5 months before, I had a new idea. It became okay, even if it was a waste of money, because I wanted to experience driving a new car and not focusing on repairs for awhile.

What Might Life Look Like Beyond Following the Rules
A new car for The Land of Enchantment!

I’ve had my new car for only 4 months and I’ve loved every minute! It hasn’t been earth-shattering. It just feels good to me. And, it feels fantastic to have done something different for myself. I’ll check back with you in a few years on this one.

Ah, those first dates . . . I’ve been on several. One lasted a half hour. Most lasted a couple of hours. The most recent one lasted a half day. All good choices.

What I learned by breaking that rule involved connecting with another human being rather than trying to assess “in” or “out” in record time so as to not “waste” my time.

So, what about you? What rules might you have created? Might you like to experiment with following your heart a bit more?

Tell us about it – post your thoughts and comments below . . .

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

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When I first moved back to New Mexico two and a half years ago, I created a wonderful, ever-changing art project for myself. I filled a white, ceramic, shallow, baking bowl with fine black sand and created a new Zen “rock garden” daily, or as inspired.

On my daily walks, I would notice which small rocks wanted to come home with me to play in the rock garden. I loved collecting various sizes, shapes, colors and textures. The interplay between matte finishes and shimmery finishes delighted me.

I put all possible rock players in a basket in a drawer beneath my butcher block counter top. Whenever I felt like it, usually while waiting for my coffee to brew, I would take the current rocks out of the garden and arrange new ones. Sometimes the basket got too full to close the draw and then some of the rocks would go back outside.

I loved the ever-changing parade of rocks in the consistent, stable environment of the white bowl with the black sand. One of the best parts of the ritual involved picking my “favorite” rocks to play with on any particular day.

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

What Happens When I’m Willing to Release Control?

After a few months, the same rock garden would stay in place for weeks or months. One day last summer, the wind kicked up through the open widow behind the rock garden and, in a moment, black sand was all over the kitchen. After I had cleaned up everything, I put the bowl and what was left of the sand into a cupboard.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, when I felt inspired to put the rock garden back in service. Once again, I was enjoying the ever-changing art. Then, spontaneously, a few days ago, I decided to change it up. I had pulled the rocks out of the sand and was beginning to choose the next rocks to play.

Then I had the thought, “why don’t I pick the rocks that want to play without looking at them?” So I did. When I looked at the rocks I had picked without looking at them, I felt disappointed. I wondered, “How could I make any beauty with these rocks?”

Boy, was I wrong. I placed the rocks and THERE it was: Beauty where I thought there wasn’t any!!! Turns out that when I allow and receive, it works out as well or better than when I choose “my favorites.”

For fun, I’ve included photos of three different rock gardens. Which one of them do you think has the “random” rocks rather than the “chosen” rocks?

So what about you? What might be the value for you in releasing control in a particular area of your life right now?

3 Quick, Awesome Ways to Dissolve Stress

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Come to Mama
When was the last time you laid on the ground? If you have to think about it, stop reading now, run outside and plop yourself down. Lay there and take in the support of Mother Earth holding you and the expansive infinity of the sky calling you. If your neighbors ask, “Are you alright?,” invite them to join you.

Play Hard
Grab some kids, a dog or your lover and get down to some old-fashion play. Tag, wrestling, throwing a ball . . . Bonus points for doing it outside.

Shake Your Booty
Get all that tension out of your body. Now. If you need a guide, let Rochelle Schieck, founder of Qoya, support you in completely shifting in less than 4 minutes.

Those are my ideas for today. What about you? What are 3 of your favorite ways to dissolve stress? Let’s get a great big, juicy list going . . .

What If We Could Actually Create a New Reality?

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A Course of Love tells us that we’ve been creating in response to “reality.” It goes on to tell us that we are now called to create reality – a new reality.

As we here in the United States are about to swear in a new president, it can easily look like we must create something in response to this “reality.” As I look down that road, that looks like fighting, division and righteousness – at best.

What If We Could Actually Create a New Reality?

The road that got us here probably isn’t going to take us where we’d like to go . . .

Which makes me super curious what it means to create a new reality. What if I could create a new reality, not in response to what seems to be “reality?” What if you could? What if we could? What could we do together?!?

I don’t know the answers yet. And, instinctively, it does feel like the right question.

What’s your sense? What’s on your heart and in your mind? I’d love your comments and insights below.

What If There’s Huge Value in Not Reaching Our Goals?

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Two of my clients didn’t reach goals around their health this year. Another didn’t reach his financial goals. I had high hopes for getting my two-year-old cat, Miles, healthy by the end of the year. We aren’t there yet. This may sound strange coming from a coach who makes her living helping clients reach their goals.

So, here’s the thing: When we don’t reach the goals our human ego sets, we have the opportunity to create a deeper, more intimate relationship with ourselves. We become a new person on the way to achieving the human goals. And, we get further in those human areas than if we hadn’t set the goals.

The two clients who have goals around their health are becoming far more self-compassionate, self-loving and their own best friends.

The client with financial goals is learning to give himself credit for being in the process. He’s also learning about his inner security as he works on his outer security.

What If There’s Huge Value in Not Reaching Our Goals?

As for me and Miles, I’ve gotten to experience his unconditional affection, no matter how he feels. I’m learning patience and accepting what is. I’m learning that me being nervous and frustrated affects both of us poorly.

For all of us, we have the opportunity to set new goals, perhaps with a bit more wisdom about ourselves.

So what about you? Are there goals you didn’t reach this year? If so, how might you find the huge value for you?

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

Happy Solstice!

What Is the Value of Experiencing the Air Outside?

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This week, I’m on vacation in California, visiting two of my sisters and their families. Whether I’m at home or visiting somewhere, I love being outside. One of my favorite rituals while staying with my sister Julie involves walking to my favorite coffee shop on the planet, 99 Cups.

They live 6 blocks from the beach and the walk to 99 Cups is about a mile. While walking today, I was particularly aware of how different sea air feels compared to high desert air. And, I love both.

What Is the Value of Experiencing the Air Outside?

Whenever I’m available to notice the natural elements, I become more present, any anxiety melts away and I feel more connected to all life. I’m reminded how healing it is to be outside.

What about you? When were you last outside? Have you noticed all that’s available to you in the crisp, late autumn air, the clouds drifting by or the slight warmth of the sun?

I highly encourage you to get out into nature in whatever way feeds you. Allow the elements to restore, re-calibrate, reawaken, remind and reinvigorate you.

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

 

 

Ah, to the majesty of the
Norfolk Pine on a rare
clear day at the beach.

 

How Do We Stop Election Fear from Within?

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One of my mentors, Dicken Bettinger, posted thoughts on Facebook worth repeating here today.

“The real question is not what will happen as a result of this election.

Politicians do not determine the overall level of well-being of those who live in their country.

To me, the real questions are:

  • Can we look within and set aside our judgmental thoughts of others?
  • Can we find love and understanding in our hearts?
  • Can we bring these feelings to each other, especially those who disagree with us?
  • Can we find tolerance deep in our souls, especially for those who see life differently than we do?
  • Can we find within us the spirit of cooperation that is based on tolerance and respect so that we can truly work together to create a society that is looking out for what is best for the whole rather than just our own self-interests?

How Do We Stop Election Fear from Within?

The problems of the world ultimately will not be resolved on a political level. The problems of the world will ultimately be resolved only by each of us bringing more love and understanding into the world.

May we all get better at listening for, and to, the inner wisdom that continues to guide us toward a more peaceful and loving world community.”

– Dicken Bettinger, originally published on Facebook

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

How Does Being Present in the Moment Vaporize Fear?

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“You’ve been walking in circles, searching. Don’t drink by the water’s edge. Throw yourself in. Become the water. Only then will your thirst end.”
– Jeanette Berson

When we throw ourselves in and become the water, we are completely present. And when we are completely present, we have no fear.

AnnStrongblogpost081116
What does it take to become the water?

Fear lives in the past through regret. Fear lives in the future through uncertainty. Fear lives in attempting to control others and outcomes.

My clients often question me about being present when they don’t like the present. It’s such a great question because we as humans spend a lot of time attempting to avoid what we don’t like.

A vivid experiential answer I have for that comes from when I used to have debilitating migraines. I spent a lot of time fighting them, doing anything I could to distract myself from the pain.

When I’d exhausted all those distractions and myself, I would finally surrender. What I found in those present moments after the surrender: this sweet, tender way of being there with me, for me.

Every time, it seemed so strange to me to be relishing being with myself while at the same time experiencing excruciating pain. I no longer feared the pain. I accepted it and I stayed with myself through it – cherishing myself as the beloved.

Ah, to be the water. So very similar to being the migraine. Isn’t that fascinating?!?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)