For most of us, if we notice the nature of our self-talk over a short period of time, we will become aware of repetitive, self-defeating questions.
“What’s wrong with me?” “Will I ever be able to do this better?” “Why can’t I _______ (you fill in the blank)?”
One of my clients tended in several areas of her life to ask, “Why don’t I have _____?” She has now shifted to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to have _____?”
Another client believes her circumstances are so unusual that there is no solution to what she wants. She has now started asking, “What unusual way can this come about even if I believe it can’t?” So fun. So effective.
I just recently noticed that I frequently ask myself what I need to do to bring in my minimum income each month. Guess how much income I’ve been bringing in consistently! I have now very consciously shifted the question to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to bring in my desired income?” How much more fun is that?!?
On a lighter note, since I moved to New Mexico two years ago, I have been completely frustrated trying to get a good full moon shot. Over and over, I’ve asked myself what it would take, without doing anything differently. I didn’t realize what I meant was “who would it take?”
Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe
Check out this breath-taking shot of the Hunters Moon setting beyond the Jemez Mountains west of Santa Fe taken and generously shared by my neighbor, Eric Saltmarsh. Thank goodness I wasn’t too attached to my question about how I would be the one to do this!
So, what about you? What questions do you repeatedly ask yourself that could use a significant upgrade for a whole new answer?
As always, I’d love your input and comments below.
(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)
Jennifer, so great to hear from you, my dear friend! I love the simple concept of upgrading the question. Just asking myself, “What would upgrade this question?” feels light, fun and on the path to a more joyous life . . . YAY!!!
Great article!
In changing the self talk and questions I ask myself (which constantly need upgrading), I notice that I become more open to NEW answers. The answers aren’t limited by what I already know, and so a lot more is available.
Plus, doing anything that is more fun is a better choice!
Dianne, it feels so delicious just to hear your question, “What surprising, magical changes are waiting to happen that will support you in having the life you want?” So cool!!!
Ken, I’ve noticed since I shifted my income question, I’m very aware of asking the new question. Until I’m tired or feeling some fear. Then I hear something like, “Well, you’ve got the bills covered this month…” Awareness is so great!
This is a superb question for me. I don’t know in this moment what the negative question is that I ask myself, and I’m certain there is one or six. This post is a tremendous reminder to watch for it and catch it as it occurs! I totally agree that the re-framing is urgent, and I am committed to catching the negative question to re-frame it.
This is called ‘re-framing’ or asking the right questions! I love it. I am re-framing mine right now, from “Why don’t I have the life that I want?” to “What surprising, magical changes are waiting to happen that will support me in having the life that I want?” It’s fun even asking the question that way!