A Peek into a Private Conversation about Self-Love

Today, I have the honor of sharing with you a private email conversation between me and one of my courageous clients, Hailey, (with her express permission, of course), exploring a bit about self-love.

“Ann, I’m sitting in my room with the window open listening to Nina Simone covers, feeling everything so deeply…

I’ve been wanting to touch more on the topic of self-love with you {my favorite 🙂 }.

If you feel comfortable sharing, may I ask what your road to self-love was like? I understand it’s an ongoing practice that we all must work to maintain. And, was there a moment in particular when you allowed yourself to step more into self-love and move away from harsh self-criticism/self-hatred?

Because, I often wonder if my self-consciousness and lack of self-acceptance will ever go away. I guess it really comes down to feeling peace in/with oneself.

When did you get to the point where you felt peaceful in who/what you are? I know each of us is on our own journey but I feel like it would be wonderful to hear your experience with this topic.”

A Peek into a Private Conversation about Self-Love

“Hi Hailey,

I’m happy to answer you and I don’t think there was one big ah-ha moment. Three thing I do know:

1. Coaching, talking deeply, to my niece Alisha for the past 16 years, since she was 11 (and I was 40) has really soften me toward myself. Sort of like I became aware of how much I wanted to support her in loving self-talk, so I had to do it for me, too.

2. When I was 34, my boyfriend died of a drug overdose before we could find help. I had to get really clear on why I chose to keep living. At that time, I realized it was about love. He was the most purely loving person I’ve ever known and I committed to honoring him by being more loving myself. And that started with me – loving me more unconditionally.

In a way, at that time, it was sort of easy because with so much grief, my defenses were down.

3. I really took to heart that thing about putting my own oxygen mask first (on the plane) before I try to help anyone else. If I wasn’t going to love and take care of myself, who would?

What might you hear in all of this for you?

Love, Ann”

“Oh Ann, THANK YOU. This is beautiful. I’m grateful for you sharing all of this with me. Truly, it means a lot to me.

I am hearing SO many things in all of this; I mostly asked the question because I sometimes wonder if it’s even totally POSSIBLE to love oneself and thus be in flow. I’m hearing that life can be full of suffering in one moment and full of beauty and magic in another moment. I’m hearing proof of the human condition!

I also hear that pain softens you. I totally understand this. It’s almost as if pain breaks you open in a way that allows for the possibility of more love to flow in. At least that can be the case sometimes.

I’m hearing that perhaps there is no correct path to the “enlightenment” I’m looking for, aka total self-acceptance. I’m hearing that it’s mostly about choice – do I choose to accept myself in THIS MOMENT or do I not? It’s simply a yes or no question.

I’m remembering a conversation we had where you mentioned that sometimes you don’t even need your coach to answer questions because you’re able to answer them yourself just by asking the question in the coaching space.

I feel that way in this situation. I know what to do and I suppose I was just looking for an affirmation in another person’s experience other than mine. Because, like I said, sometimes I feel so much resistance to myself and the way things are that I doubt life will ever be truly peaceful. I understand now that life’s one moment at a time.

Thank you for reflecting on this with me Ann.”

So, what about you? What do you hear in this for you?

What Happens When Love Breaks Through?

With Valentine’s Day next Tuesday, I’m happy to share this new piece with you.

Love Breaks Through

When you think your heart can’t hurt any more,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we live courageously,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When I’m unbearably hard on myself,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we feel so scared we’re paralyzed,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When your hatred seems justified,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When I notice my self-compassion,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When it seems there is no answer,
LOVE Breaks Through.

wild horses running in the grass

When our hearts are full,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When all you feel is despair,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we’ve lost hope and given up,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When there’s so much tenderness in your heart,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When the injustice seems too great to bear,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When your arms are open wide,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When I don’t know which way to go,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When the rage threatens to consume you,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When it looks like we’re at an impasse,
LOVE Breaks Through.

Winter trees in fog

When I feel so alone,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we have no idea how to solve this,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When you become aware you’re numb,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When it feels like there’s only confusion,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we can’t seem to move forward,
LOVE Breaks Through.

sunset over the blue waters of Northumberland Strait, Prince Edward Island, Canada

When you feel like you’ve tried everything,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When I’m railing against what is,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we aren’t sure of the question, much less the answer,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When we get comfortable with discomfort,
LOVE Breaks Through.

When I must say the hard thing,
LOVE Breaks Through.

Through every joy and every sorrow,
LOVE Breaks Through.

With every breath we take,
LOVE Breaks Through.

LOVE.
Breaks Through.

So, what about you? When do you notice love breaking through? What happens for you when love breaks through?

What Can We Rely on When Things Seem Uncertain?

The change of administration in Washington here in the U.S. has many people feeling uncertain about what the future holds. The truth is that we never know what the future holds. And, times of transition tend to make us hyper-aware of that.

So, what can we rely on?

For some it’s faith and spiritual practice. For others it’s their own internal strengths and gifts.

While I rely on my faith and spiritual practice as well as my internal strengths and gifts, I also rely on my relationship with nature.

Here’s a 3-minute clip from a talk I gave at church this past summer about how nature sustains me.

Nature Shows Me that I Do Belong

I’d love to know what you rely on when faced with uncertainty . . .