Month: May 2009

Self acceptance: Living all of your life

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A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about living your best life.  Since then, I’ve been wrestling with several large challenges in my own life.  Much of the time, not feeling that I’m living my best life!

In the middle of one of these challenges, my 20-year-old niece, Alisha, told me about a website, FMyLife.com, where people write three-sentence stories about bad things that happened to them and other people rate whether they think the story is messed up or if the person deserved what they got.

As a person who makes my living helping people focus on the positive, I was, of course, appropriately appalled.  At first anyway.

Until she had me laughing at some of the things she had read.  And a light bulb went on for me.  Life as a human is often messy.  Sometimes I try to stay so positive and I can’t in that moment.  Maybe I’ll write my story on that website and give others a good laugh.  Ah, full self acceptance . . .

I still have a desire to focus on the positive and help others do the same.  And, I realize that even labeling “positive” and “negative” keeps me from fully experiencing and allowing ALL of my delicious, juicy, messy, sometimes f’ed up life!  

So there’s a new coaching perspective for you.  I’d love your ideas on the subject . . .

Self-improvement: Living your best life

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For each of us, there is a life that is uniquely and simply ours.  A life that comes from our specific soul: from our strengths, values and passions.

Yet, like a fish who doesn’t recognize how special and important water is for him, we humans often have blind spots about our own natural greatness.  

Someone compliments you on how empathic you were with the clerk at the grocery and you don’t quite understand.  Doesn’t everyone notice what’s going on with others?  No, we sure don’t!  Then you tell a friend how great it is that he always seems to know the most efficient way to organize a project and he doesn’t know what’s the big deal!

If you feel you are living anything less than the life that is totally, joyfully yours, take some time over the next few days to notice your specific strengths, values and passions.  What do you love to do?  What comes naturally to you?

Ask a few friends or colleagues what they notice you doing naturally or with enthusiasm.  What do people often turn to you for?  Advice?  In what area?  Help with fixing something?  What?  Getting something started? What?

Just by focusing on this for a few days, you will be living a life that is more fully, uniquely yours!

I’d love to hear what kinds of things you discover about yourself and your best life . . .

Self-improvement: Knowing my security from the inside

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Every day for the past several days, I have been noticing anything I feel scared or anxious about and transforming it.  Working with the simple yet powerful concept that I already have everything I need inside me, I notice what’s causing the fear or anxiety and then find a way to know it from the inside rather than expect it from the outside.

I’d love to share a bit of my process so that you can use this transformation tool, too.

For example, in my business, I got scared and anxious when I felt enough money wasn’t coming in.  So, I asked myself:  why do I want the money?  What do I believe the money will give me?  I want the money to pay my bills.  I believe the money will give me security.  Okay, how can I feel, how can I be security right now?  

I don’t have to wait long for the intuitive answer to come to my conscious awareness.  Spending a few minutes laying on the ground, under a tree, being with the sky though the leaves of that tree helps me instantly feel plugged into All That Is and I feel secure.  Wow.  Easy.  Doable.  Highly effective.  Sure beats the alternative of panicking!

An example from my personal life:  I felt sad and scared when it seemed that a friend was “abandoning” me in a moment in favor of another friend.  Okay, why do I want my friend to “choose me?”  What do I believe me being chosen will give me?  I want to be chosen to demonstrate I’m valuable.  When I’m chosen, I feel important.  I feel I matter to that person.  Okay, how can I feel valuable, important and that I matter right now?

A couple of answers come to mind.  I have taken the time to put the focus on me and what’s going on with me.  I am valuing myself, prioritizing myself and indicating to myself that I matter to me!  And, I have many friends.  If I would like to spend time with a friend, I can value that experience for me and reach out to another friend.  Wow.  I know I matter and I feel valuable and important.

My whole life becomes better in two ways when I transform these “yucky” feelings.  First, I get to feel and be what I desire – secure and valuable, no matter what’s going on or what others around me do or don’t do.  Secondly, I am now in the energy of “security” and “valuable,” so I naturally attract more experiences of security and valuable, including more money flowing in and more friends who treat me like I am important to them!

I am so jazzed about this transformation process right now, I am considering teaching a 3-week, 1-hour each week tele-class for $89.

I would love your input.  

What about this tele-class might interest you?  If you took it, what would you most love to take away from it at the end of the 3 weeks?

Please take a moment to comment and give me the thoughts off the top of your head.  Thanks in advance!

Spiritual awareness: I’m capable of so much more than I think . . .

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As I am integrating all that I learned from both speaking and exhibiting at the Career Management Alliance annual conference last week, I am struck by how well I did both jobs at essentially the same time.

I’m more introverted than extroverted and incapable of multi-tasking.  So, I actually had no idea how I would do both jobs well, back-to-back for two days. 

I do love to be at the front of the room.  My presentation was short, just 45 minutes.  I looked forward to speaking, but thought I wanted to spend the rest of my day alone in my room or take a self-guided walking tour.

Yet, I had to be at my booth the day before and the rest of the day after my presentation, talking to folks about my coaching services and coaching courses.

Thank goodness I usually sooner or later remember to practice what I preach!  I set an intention to show up fully with each person in front of me by being present, connected and playful.  I even practiced with my seat mates on the airplane on the way to the conference.

I had so darn much fun, thoroughly enjoyed all the people I met, rocked the house with my talk and went out to dinner on the second night with 11 of my new best friends.

Not a bad two-days work for an introverted single-tasker! 

Self improvement: We are what we make ourselves

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I just got back from the Career Management Alliance annual conference in San Antonio where I gave a presentation: Strong You, Strong Biz: YOU Are Your Most Powerful Business Attractor. I feel humbled and grateful.

Back in the fall when I agreed to this engagement, I felt excited. Excited to connect with my people – other self-employed coaches, in their cases, specifically career coaches. Excited to embark on a new adventure with my new business partner at the time – she would man the expo booth and I would give the talk and we’d both have a great time doing it.

Fast forward a few months to the day when I learn that the majority of the conference attendees aren’t self-employed and are in fact in the military helping military folks transition to civilian life and jobs. And to the day when my new business partner can suddenly no longer be my business partner for several personal reasons.

Then I start dreading the conference. What do I know to help these military folks? How am I suppose to do it all myself? The conference organizer reassures me that plenty self-employed coaches will come to my talk. I don’t have to re-structure it for the military. My sister offers me some tips on giving my talk and man-ing the booth myself.

Yet, I still have a bad attitude.

Just a few days before the conference, I wake up and realize, just like I wrote on a plaque I gave my grandma when I was 15, that “we are what we make ourselves.” In good coach-like style, I remake myself.

I embody my talk. I can feel in my bones how good it is. As I prepare all the expo materials, I feel grateful for the opportunity to serve in this way. I see the entire trip flowing smoothly, from the moment the shuttle drives picks me up from my front porch to the time another one drops me back on my porch two and a half days later. I set an intention to have a good time, give all I am there to give and connect with wonderful people. I set an income goal for all the new business that will come from this event.

And guess what happened!

It went exactly like my intention, only one better. Many people from the military came to my talk, too. And they got huge value, slightly different value than the self-employed folks, but great value, just the same. Two military ladies even told me I was “under-selling” myself to just offer my services to self-employed professionals, because they saw how I can help them, too. So we are going to talk . . . I see that income goal being met and then some!

And, the shuttle driver on the way home even dropped me off at my house first!