Last year my client, “Dianne,” felt optimistic and hopeful that her daughter-in-law Serena could take over her business when she retired. They’d been moving in that direction for a few months when she realized she’d been looking the other way about how much Serena seemed to be drinking.
When Serena had an altercation with one of Dianne’s key employees, she could no longer avoid the inevitable. She had to let Serena go. Dianne’s son, Tate, quit speaking to her and they wouldn’t allow her to spend time with her grandchildren.
Inconsolable for awhile, Dianne chose to coach with me because she knew she needed to get past feeling betrayed and wanted to be available to the business and her other children and grandchildren.
Today she’ll be the first to tell you she’s less judgmental. She prays for her son and daughter-in-law and their kids every day because she realizes it’s out of her hands. She’s re-energized about her work and is grooming one of her long-time employees to buy the business.
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Four years ago, three days after I sold my house to live happily ever after with my boyfriend, we got into a physical fight. That had never happened. Stunned, bruised and broken-hearted, I stayed at a friend’s house and tried to get to the bottom of it with him.
We weren’t able to work it out between us. I found an apartment and began my own inner work. Over the next several months, I realized I had taken a stand for myself that day. I had been putting off my dream of living in New Mexico, waiting for him to be ready. Not the most elegant way to free myself from my self-created prison, but free myself I did.
It’s almost 3 years since I moved to New Mexico. After the first year of living here, my sister told me maybe I should change the recording on my voicemail that says, “You’ve reached my new home and office in beautiful, spacious Lamy, New Mexico . . .” I haven’t change it yet because every day here feels like a huge gift for my body, mind, heart and soul.
Why do I tell you all this?
If I hadn’t insisted on finding the gifts in all that grief, I would’ve remained broken and become bitter.
If Dianne hadn’t done the work in coaching, she would have remained a judgmental victim and allowed her business to fall apart.
So, what about you?
If you’ve experienced the loss of a dream, a business or personal relationship or of a loved one to death recently, would you be willing to consider finding the gifts in grief?
May all beings receive the transformative gifts of grief.
As always, post your comments and experiences below …