Being Present

How to Create a Stress-Free Zone in Our Lives

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I learned earlier this week that my car needs a new engine. And, I learned this the way I learn many things – experientially.

Sitting on the side of the road waiting for AAA, I realized that, as we always do, I had a choice. I didn’t have the choice I wished I had – choosing my car to get back on the road, drive to Whole Foods and then drive home.

I did have the choice of where to focus my thoughts and attention. My human inclination was to think of all of the things I should have done differently in the past to have created a different future.

And then I heard, clear as could be, “we spend our lives trying to manipulate the future to correct the past.” In that moment, as I felt the cool evening breeze coming in the car window, I realized the insanity of that.

How to Create a Stress-Free Zone in Our Lives
How rich are our lives when we truly receive the moment, moment by moment?

We have the opportunity in any moment, no matter how much we assess the situation as “bad,” to receive the gifts of the present.

When we are willing to let go of our thoughts about the past or the future, we create a stress-free zone in the present. When we are willing to focus on what is right in front of us, we don’t need to manipulate or change anything. How freeing is that?

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)

What Is the Secret to Life-Work Balance?

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Several of my clients asked me variations of this question in the last couple of weeks. Two are working full time and starting a new business in the evenings. One is scrambling to keep up with the unexpected rapid growth of her business. Another wants to be a better father. Yet another is grieving a sudden loss and feels concerned about spending so little time in her business.

The answer is the same for all of them: this is the wrong question.

Balance rarely exists. Balance might happen for one second in time. The very next second, the teeter-totter will have tipped in one direction or the other. Sometimes dramatically so.

What they really want to know: how can I be effective at all I’m doing and feel good about it?

The answer is super simple. Be Present. Judge nothing.

When my clients are present at their day jobs, present with the kids before they go to bed and present with their businesses in the evening, they feel alive and fulfilled. When they judge nothing, they don’t feel pressure that starts them thinking about life-work balance.

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When I become too focused on work without enough play, Jasmine, my Director of Play insists I become present to her and to playing. When I judge nothing, I do as I’m told!

When my client is present with each task involved in her rapidly growing business, she enjoys her work and success. When she judges nothing, she knows everything is fine as she takes time to go for a run.

When my client allocates time every day to spend with his son, he’s happy about being present with his kid. When he judges nothing, he’s happy to work a bit later into the evening.

When my client is present to and compassionate with herself about her grief, she accepts what is. When she judges nothing, she trusts things are working out with her business, knowing she’s doing the best she can right now.

So what about you?

When you think your life is out of balance because you’re spending too much time or not enough time at work, what might you become more present to? What might it be like to judge nothing? I’d love to hear from you . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for returning to the joy of you”)

Everything Is Waiting for You

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Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.

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The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

~ David Whyte
From Everything is Waiting for You
©2003 Many Rivers Press

How to Find Sanity in a Crazy Schedule

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For the past few weeks, my life and work have been far busier than usual. In many ways, it’s felt uncomfortable. And at the same time, I am awed as I notice how much more capacity I have than I believed I had.

Because I tend toward introversion and require space and quiet to recharge, I have often actively avoided filling my schedule. Right now, my schedule seems to have a mind of its own, almost as if my soul has taken the reins from my personality.

To a certain degree, I have surrendered to this new pace. And, I still require that space and quiet. So, I’m learning to experience it in a moment, rather than in an afternoon.

It looks something like this. What if before I rush out the door, I pause, take a few breaths, become present and check in to see what else I need to take or do before I leave? What if as I’m driving in to town, I notice the beauty of New Mexico all around me? What if when I feel like I just can’t do one more thing, I pause, take a few breaths, become present and then do the one more thing?!?

As I drive into town for my next appointment, when I am present to the spaciousness that surrounds me, I feel more spacious - even with a full schedule.
As I drive into town for my next appointment, when I am present to the spaciousness that surrounds me, I feel more spacious – even with a full schedule.

What could be possible with a pause? Anything I desire in a moment.

What could be possible for you with a pause? If you pause, take a few breaths and become present, anything you desire is possible for you, too. What if you pause, take a few breaths, become present and think about that for a moment? What do you desire in this moment?

When we allow ourselves to pause and become present to ourselves, we can create anything we desire. Becoming present in the present moment, gives us the only moment there ever is. Our pause connects us to the Eternal Now. No anxiety about the past. No fear about the future. No feeling crazy.

Only Now.

Which makes the state of my schedule irrelevant. Ah, my soul at work!

The Amazingly Simple Way to Gain Clarity

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Over and over again, clients come to coaching with me to gain clarity. Their number one desire, by far, involves experiencing clarity – both big picture clarity and day-to-day decision-making clarity. In all areas of their lives.

For all of us, clarity naturally occurs when we allow our minds to settle down and we are present in the moment. Take a couple of deep breaths into that. Ahhhh . . .

No multi-tasking, no screens, no running to the next thing. Without resisting what is. Simple quiet mind, present in the moment.

Recently, one of my new clients told me she wanted to experience un-jumbled-ness. What a wonderful way to put it. I could see and feel the jumbledness and I could see and feel it dissolving.

We all have access to clarity in any moment. And we may not have much experience in getting there because we first must override some habitual patterns that lead to jumbledness.

One of my favorite ways to invite clarity involves letting go until the morning. Almost always my mind is more settled and I am more present for the first few hours of the day.

Oh, the clarity that comes as the day settles into night . . .
Oh, the clarity that comes as the day settles into night . . .

One of my clients finds that clarity often comes to her while she’s walking her dog. Another client frequently experiences clarity while showering after a run.

If I’d like clarity around a small decision, like what to eat for lunch, I take a couple of deep breaths and tune into what my body wants.

If I don’t feel super clear and I need to make a decision, I make it with self-compassion and remind myself I’m doing the best I can in the moment. No need to shovel self-judgment into the jumble!

What about you? What allows your mind to settle? What allows you to become present in the moment? I would love to hear from you . . .

What Keeps Us from Loving Ourselves?

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What stands between us and self-appreciation, self-compassion, self-love? We behave as though our thinking is real.

What if we didn’t believe everything we hear in our head about ourselves? What if we didn’t believe our judgments of others (projections about ourselves)?

When we hear in our heads:

  • You shouldn’t have . . .
  • You should have . . .
  • There you go again . . .
  • You’re so _________ (you fill in the blank).
  • When are you going to change _________ (again, you fill in the blank)?

What if we didn’t engage with those repetitive, dead-end, self-loathing thoughts and instead used them as a mindfulness activity?

We could:

  • Take a few deep breaths and compassionately remind ourselves we are always doing the best we can.
  • Pause and notice the habitual nature of the thoughts and simply give them some space.
  • Byron Katie style, question the thoughts. “Is it true I should . . .?” “What is a turnaround for that thought?” “Who would I be without that thought?”
  • Take a few seconds to appreciate that we noticed the thoughts and didn’t engage.
  • Take ourselves lightly, smile and go on about our day.

What keeps us from loving ourselves? The human thoughts that tell us all the reasons we shouldn’t.

Orange Daisy Gerbera

Ah, to recognize our own beauty and divinity as easily as we recognize
the unique beauty and universal divinity of this daisy . . .

Why might we love ourselves anyway? To honor the spiritual truth about us: that we ARE love.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for returning to the joy of you”)

How to Easily Change a Habit without Willpower. Really.

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I have just finished reading a phenomenal book that will revolutionize our ability to live fulfilling lives. While I realize that’s a bold statement, it actually seems like an understatement to me.

“The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking Any Habit”

Amy Johnson’s new book, “The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking Any Habit” just came out last month. Amy describes both the spiritual and scientific foundation of habits in a clear, easy to understand and compelling way.

The book addresses both behavioral habits like gambling, lashing out at a loved one and overeating as well as thought-based habits like fear of heights, thinking others are judging us and thinking something bad is going to happen.

She points out that when we’re frustrated about yet again returning to a habit, we are not self-sabotaging, but rather attempting to take care of ourselves. It’s our best effort at self-love in that moment.

She then guides us through seeing that all of this is an innocent misunderstanding. The more we become aware that all habits come from thought, we develop the ability to pause before acting on the thought or continuing with more thinking about the thoughts.

As we pause more and more, we break down the hard-wired pathway between urge and the knee-jerk response. Oh, freedom.

If there is any habit you’d like to break, do yourself a huge favor and read this book.

If you’d like coaching support in implementing this deceptively simple approach to changing your life, I have 3 appointments available in the next week. Visit my online calendar to schedule an appointment for a Coaching Conversation:
https://www.timetrade.com/book/ZV3CM

We’ll take 30 – 40 minutes to explore if we both feel we’d be a good fit for me to serve as your coach.

I am so excited for everyone who wants to make changes to have this understanding!

How to Be at Ease with Yourself and Do Great Work

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“All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.”
– Eckhart Tolle
Practicing the Power of Now

For many years I sought coaching for myself and coached my clients around being less self-conscious. This felt important because we don’t serve our clients well when we feel concerned about saying or doing the right thing. We don’t do our best work when we are thinking about what others are doing and if we measure up.

I became practiced at willfully putting my attention on my clients, on my work, instead of on myself. So did many of my clients. That shift did help us do better work. And, it was missing something.

Willing something into place doesn’t allow much ease.

So now, instead of willing things into place, I am softening to whatever the moment holds. If I notice my internal self-talk is self-conscious, I acknowledge it without trying to will it into being different.

Whenever I need help softening, I connect with this pure love kitty, Jasmine, who is never far from me!

Whenever I need help softening, I connect with this pure
love kitty, Jasmine, who is never far from me!

It is miraculous what 30 or 60 seconds of softly and lovingly accepting what is naturally shifts me into being at ease with myself. I then am able to be fully present to whatever is and to do amazing work in the moment.

What’s It Like to Remember Our True Nature?

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A couple of weeks ago, I gave a talk at church about reading and experiencing the material in the book, A Course of Love.

I choose to talk about this because I know that in this very moment, each of us is so much more than we are currently expressing. Somewhere inside each of us, we know that we are more than our physical, human experience.

In the talk, I share some of my own recent experiences beyond my own physical, human nature …

If you’d like to hear the talk, click the microphone (20 minutes).

microphone

What Good Life Is Just Beyond Acceptance?

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Earlier this week, I drove to Denver to facilitate a StrengthsFinder team development for one of my coaching clients. As is want to do this time of year, it was snowing and the roads were icy for about the first 45 minutes of my drive.

I could hear the typical conversation in my head about how it would be fine for me to drive in the snow if it weren’t for all the other pesky drivers. And, perhaps because I had only myself to talk to, I reminded myself that the experience of my life is created from within me, not by external circumstances outside of me (those pesky drivers).

So, I decided to accept the other drivers and drove for a few minutes without saying much to myself. And, then I had an insight.

What if I put my focus on my relationship with the road? What if I noticed that I am One with the whole experience – the road, the snow, the other drivers? What if I allowed myself to receive the beauty of the experience?

Instantly my experience shifted from one of stress and tolerating to feeling relaxed and knowing I am always supported. I had a palpable experience of the state of grace in which I live – if I only but notice.

On my drive back from Denver, I was present to the glory of this moment with the majesty of the Spanish Peaks near Walsenburg, Colorado.
On my drive back from Denver, I was present to the glory of this moment with the majesty of the Spanish Peaks near Walsenburg, Colorado.

Maybe 15 minutes later, the traffic thinned and there was no longer snow and ice on the road. And, my awareness of receiving WHAT IS stayed with me throughout the rest of the trip.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for returning to the joy of you”)