When we commit to an area of personal growth, we create the opportunity to transform not only ourselves, but also our personal and professional relationships.
I know my own energy, my own aliveness as I am
willing to see the simple truth of a situation, rather
than adding all the drama of my own storm clouds . . .
Last January, I committed to doing whatever personal work was required of me to become a more fiercely loving and lovingly fierce person and coach. I made that commitment because I had the sense that the combination of fierce and loving would best support me and my clients (and anyone else who was right in front of me) in consistently becoming more of the best of who we are.
Wow, has that proven true! And, I have come to learn that to be both fierce and loving, I’ve needed to develop some other qualities. Right now, I’m most focused on acceptance. Accepting instead of judging.
In the past, I’ve had a tendency to make tough situations worse by judging me and judging the other person. Now, if I notice even a tinge of judgment, I immediately step back. I then take a moment to get crystal-clear about what is, without any judgment.
What is? Maybe a client is upset with something I said. Maybe my sweetheart said something I don’t like. Maybe my best friend isn’t available to talk with me right now.
Okay, without any judgment, the truth about these situations:
- My client is upset in this moment.
- My sweetheart said something I don’t like.
- My best friend isn’t available to talk right now.
If I add judgment, I get something like:
- My client is upset in this moment. Can’t she be more mature and take some responsibility? Why do I have to deal with this?
- My sweetheart said something I don’t like. He doesn’t care about me. I shouldn’t put up with this.
- My best friend isn’t available to talk right now. She’s never available. I should want more for myself and get a new best friend.
If, instead, I look at what is and add acceptance, I am not only not drained by my judgments, but I also have the capacity to allow what is and to accept myself and the other person exactly as we each are in that moment. Then, something truly astonishing happens: I am no longer drained by this person, this situation. Instead, I am energized by my ability and willingness to choose and to be acceptance instead of judgment.
No matter who or how the other person is, I am who I choose to be. I am acceptance.
And, this is where it gets really good! With acceptance and as acceptance, I am now available to be fiercely loving and lovingly fierce.
Even as I write this, I sense the opportunity in more conscious relationship and I feel more alive, more energized, more fiercely and lovingly available to me, to my client, to my sweetheart, to my best friend and to you as you read this!