Transformation

What Question Could Get Significantly Better Results?

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For most of us, if we notice the nature of our self-talk over a short period of time, we will become aware of repetitive, self-defeating questions.

“What’s wrong with me?” “Will I ever be able to do this better?” “Why can’t I _______ (you fill in the blank)?”

One of my clients tended in several areas of her life to ask, “Why don’t I have _____?” She has now shifted to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to have _____?”

Another client believes her circumstances are so unusual that there is no solution to what she wants. She has now started asking, “What unusual way can this come about even if I believe it can’t?” So fun. So effective.

I just recently noticed that I frequently ask myself what I need to do to bring in my minimum income each month. Guess how much income I’ve been bringing in consistently! I have now very consciously shifted the question to, “What does it take, who do I need to be, to bring in my desired income?” How much more fun is that?!?

On a lighter note, since I moved to New Mexico two years ago, I have been completely frustrated trying to get a good full moon shot. Over and over, I’ve asked myself what it would take, without doing anything differently. I didn’t realize what I meant was “who would it take?”

What Question Could Get Significantly Better Results?

Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe

Check out this breath-taking shot of the Hunters Moon setting beyond the Jemez Mountains west of Santa Fe taken and generously shared by my neighbor, Eric Saltmarsh. Thank goodness I wasn’t too attached to my question about how I would be the one to do this!

So, what about you? What questions do you repeatedly ask yourself that could use a significant upgrade for a whole new answer?

As always, I’d love your input and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

Why Do You Need to Know How to Release Certainty?

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Every time we are certain of something, we narrow our world.
“I can’t go hiking with you today because it’s too hot.”

I’m certain it’s too hot and I’m certain that too hot is “bad” for me, therefore I will stay home. If I might like to go hiking, but think it’s too hot, what happens if I remain open and curious?

Maybe I’ll go and take extra water. Maybe I’ll be willing to go for a short time. Maybe I’ll go, hike a bit and then sit in the shade. Maybe I’ll notice I don’t need certain conditions to be happy, to enjoy the day.

Why Do You Need to Know How to Release Certainty?
Me creating my own shade on a day that was probably too hot for me!

What if I avoid a specific person because I’ve decided she’s too shallow? What if she then tells me something deep and meaningful? What if I then notice I feel connected to her? What if I notice my certainty had kept me away from her for years?

What if you won’t grow your business because you’re not good at sales? What if you notice that you are the one who decided you’re not good at sales? What if you open to the infinite possibilities around how to sell? What if you release your certainty about sales and a used car salesmen being one and the same?

We might want to learn how to release certainty to give ourselves the gift of richer, fuller, more meaningful and expansive lives.

Okay, so how do we release certainty? I do often get too hot, I don’t like superficial and you’re not good at sales.

Wow, look how definitive are each of these statements. They sound like absolute truths when, in actuality, they are preferences or tendencies.

What would happen if I allowed myself to enjoy my life whether I’m “too hot” or just the right temperature? How might my life shift if I was curious about the person in front of me, instead of having already decided who she is? How might your business grow if you expanded your view of sales?

What if we accepted and embraced life on life’s terms instead of demanding our list of certainties?

As we begin to hear our selves say, “I can’t,” “I don’t like . . .,” “That’s not me,” we give ourselves the opportunity to release certainty in favor of openness and curiosity. As we notice our self-created suffering around not having our preferences, we can make a new choice in the moment to be happy anyway.

Perhaps a new perspective on “having it all?!?”

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

What If We Didn’t Fight Ourselves?

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After studying A Course of Love for 10 months, I finished reading it a couple of months ago. At the end of the book, it instructed me to begin again – read it a second time!

Since then, I had resisted rereading. After all, it is not light summer vacation reading.

Then, a couple of weeks ago in my study group, I was guided to re-read several specific chapters. In the past two weeks, I have repeatedly read and re-read seven chapters.

These chapters addressed what to do about not liking several situations in my life. My takeaways: I do not have to like the circumstances, but rather I need to accept how I feel about the circumstances.

What If We Didn’t Fight Ourselves?
Homage to an Audi.  I loved this car, my dream car.  Such a beautiful car and an amazing driving experience.  And a few weeks ago her engine died.  To say I didn’t like this is a ridiculous understatement.  I’m still grieving.  And, I have accepted that I’m still grieving.  And yes, I know she was “just a car.”  A car that I loved.

This has been life-changing for me. I quit fighting myself and my feelings.

I wonder if every war there ever was, internal and external, was started to get away from feelings we didn’t like.

What a simple solution to accept that I feel sad or mad, lonely or hopeless, envious or not enough rather than wage an internal battle against these feelings or try to get away from them.

As I’ve accepted my feelings, I’ve felt this new tenderness for myself. It’s also been heartwarming to witness how quickly my feelings shift as I am willing to embrace them. And, I’ve noticed that I’m advocating for what I need and desire in a more clear and direct way.

I highly recommend accepting whatever you are feeling.

I’d love to hear your experiences . . . post them below in the comments section . . .

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming crisis into clarity and purpose”)

Everything Is Waiting for You

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Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.

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The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

~ David Whyte
From Everything is Waiting for You
©2003 Many Rivers Press

What’s It Like to Remember Our True Nature?

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A couple of weeks ago, I gave a talk at church about reading and experiencing the material in the book, A Course of Love.

I choose to talk about this because I know that in this very moment, each of us is so much more than we are currently expressing. Somewhere inside each of us, we know that we are more than our physical, human experience.

In the talk, I share some of my own recent experiences beyond my own physical, human nature …

If you’d like to hear the talk, click the microphone (20 minutes).

microphone

What If You Didn’t Believe Everything You Heard (in Your Head)?

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Last week we looked at two types of thought: regurgitated thought and inspired thought.

When we don’t distinguish between the two, we tend to give all of our thinking the same weight. When we name regurgitated thought for what it is, we give ourselves the opportunity to take ourselves far less seriously, to quiet our minds and live our lives with far greater contentment and ease.

What if you noticed regurgitated thinking and named it? What if you didn’t engage with it? What if you didn’t heap regurgitated thought about your regurgitated thinking on top of your regurgitated thought? Think about that!

What if you then smiled, took a deep breath and went on with your day? What if your mind then became far quieter? What if you then could more clearly notice and distinguish inspired thought?

What If You Didn’t Believe Everything You Heard (in Your Head)?

The more we become aware of these two types of thought, the less sense regurgitated thought makes. With awareness and without effort on our part, we then tend to have far less regurgitated thought.

What might your life be like if you didn’t believe everything you heard in your head?

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for returning to the joy of you”)

What Deception Wants to Set You Free?

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The moon was at her fullest last night. According to astrologer Divine Harmony, the planet “Neptune is dominating the sky right now,” giving us the opportunity to discern where we have been deceiving ourselves.

The full moon working her magic over my home in Lamy, NM! June 2, 2015

The full moon working her magic over my home in Lamy, NM!
June 2, 2015

I normally wouldn’t write about astrology because it’s not in my realm, and I am writing about it now because it’s already had a profound impact on me. Thank you, Gina Garris, for sending me the blog post a couple of days ago. After I read it, I was moved to say a quick prayer, “Dear God, please show me where I have been deceiving myself.”

Then I forgot about it.

Yesterday, I was working with my business coach and he said something about there being a disconnect between my ability as a coach and my desire to coach more people. In a moment, I had an insight about where I had been deceiving myself since childhood, through three marriages and several other romantic relationships and how that all related to this disconnect in my business. And then I could feel the disconnect dissolve.

Well, my prayer had been answered in less than 24 hours. This is an issue I have been trying to resolve for 30 years!

So, I wanted you to have the same opportunity, if you would like . . .

And, stay tuned, in the next few weeks I will share more specifics about new coaching offerings and how perhaps I can serve you!

If you’d like to read Divine Harmony’s blog post about this full moon, visit her blog.

I would love your thoughts and responses. Post comments and insights below . . .

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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Transformation: One

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I’ve been living in Santa Fe for almost two months. Long enough to start noticing that all my friends don’t live here.

Several have already come to visit. And, I do have some new friendly New Mexico acquaintances.

Still, as much as I’m loving my new life and my new home . . .

So, I wrote a piece about it . . .

One

ONE

I thought I was alone.
I felt alone.
Lonely.

One.
I am One.
Even the words
alONE and lONEly
include ONE.

Not the one that is
the loneliest number.
Rather, ONE that is ALL.

There is only ONE.
ONE.

Alone.
Looks suspiciously like
ALL ONE.

So much for lonely.
Perhaps impossible
if seen from this ONE perspective.

Ah, the blurry line of reality.

And still
ONE.

You gotta love what this Land of Enchantment does with a typical thought like, “I feel lonely”!!!

Post your comments, insights and progress below.

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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Conscious Choice: The Energy of Freedom!

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What greater freedom is there than truly being me?  And you truly being you? Me in my artsy energy, you in your adventure energy; me loving to eat delicious food, you loving to cook delicious food; me wilting in summer heat, you living for it; and our list goes on . . .

Human/Divine, strong/scared, selfish/selfless, playful/self-conscious, flawed/perfect, you get the idea . . .

I love our US holiday of July 4th, Independence Day.  Our forefathers had a vision of being independent of certain constraints.  And yet today, our country and our world face challenges that our forefathers could never have imagined.  And still, each of us has the opportunity to choose our own freedom in any given moment.

While each of us has a list of certain things that will help us to be free – losing 20 pounds, getting out of debt, getting a new job or relationship or car, making more money, healing our broken leg or broken heart – there is a much more immediate way to be free.  In this moment.

Simply allow yourself to become immersed in the energy of freedom.

fireworks

Ooooo, aaaaah, the energy of freedom!

What does freedom feel like to you?

For me, I’m without concern and judgment, slowed down, excited and alert, and at the same time peaceful and present.

If it’s challenging for you to feel into it like that, then remember a time when you felt fully yourself, fully alive.  Once you remember the event or activity, then remember what it felt like.

That’s the energy of freedom.

No new car purchase or more money in the bank necessary.  Yet, interestingly, the more you live in the energy of freedom, the more whatever you require or whatever you’d like then tends to show up!

Happy Freedom!

Feel free to post your comments or insights below.

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I want to turn you onto my friend Rolf Evenson’s
new digital magazine, “Boomers Rising”

As baby boomers with generous entrepreneurial spirits, we face significant challenges. What to do next with our lives? How to make it work financially? How to create a life that allows us the freedom we crave, while offering opportunities for connection and creative engagement?

Join Boomers Rising Magazine to be an active part of the solution.

Boomers Rising is the world’s leading digital magazine for “encore entrepreneurs” inspired by a vision of passion, prosperity and purpose.

Some of my favorite articles:
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– Top 10 Food Lies that Keep Us Sick and Fat
– The Tribes We Lead
– Lessons Learned on E Street (Think Bruce!)
– The Illusive Obvious

You can read it on your iphone, ipad or android.

Check it out:
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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Conscious Choice: Mild Preferences Free Us

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All suffering comes from our need to have things a certain way.

I can hear your protests.  I can hear them because I’ve had them, too.  I still sometimes have them.  “I’m suffering because of this illness or physical pain.”  “I’m suffering because someone I love died.”  “I’m suffering because I don’t have enough money.”  And our lists go on.

When I feel sick or experience pain, even chronic pain, it is my thinking that causes the suffering.  “I shouldn’t be in pain.  I’m tired of this.  When will I feel better? I can’t take another minute of this . . .”  When I accept what is, when I allow things to be as they are, rather than how I think I need them to be, then the suffering stops.

I may still be uncomfortable with the pain and that too will shift.  When I have a mild preference for being pain-free, then I create more space for the pain to ease or for me modify how I do my day even while experiencing the pain.

beautiful middle aged woman

Mild preferences move us toward accepting what is. 
As we accept what is, we eliminate suffering.

When we feel out of control, we tend to have strong preferences.  We become very attached to those preferences and when they don’t happen, we feel even more out of control.  Quickly, we spin into a downward spiral.

If instead, we can use the feeling of being out of control as the signal to dial back our preference to mild, we then begin an upward spiral.  “It would be great if I felt better,  And, I don’t feel so good at the moment.  And, this is what I can do even while feeling this way.”

Mild preferences move us toward accepting what is.  Because the preference is mild, I’m fine even if I don’t get what I prefer in a moment.  My own personal experience in working with dialing back my preferences to mild: what I would prefer often naturally comes to pass.  I suspect this happens because I don’t have such heavy, attachment energy involved in the mix.

So, what about you?  In what area of your life might you like to play with dialing your preferences back to mild?

Feel free to post your comments, insights and experiences with your strengths below.

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Curious about living and working from your strengths?
Strong You Strategy Consultation

I have a gift for three fortunate people!
Are you one of them?

You may be one of them if:

–  You have taken the StrengthsFinde (SF) assessment and know your top 5 strengths or would like to take it now and learn your top 5 strengths.

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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order