Being Present

Find Your Strongest Life: What Pattern Wants to Be Dissolved, Released?

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Our Winter Solstice new moon brought us the opportunity to release old, unproductive patterns and step into our bigger truth and potential! (Thank you, Nancy Ogren.)

What pattern wants to be dissolved, released from your life?

Mine involves the faulty thinking that I can avoid abandonment by being attached. What I’ve noticed: this tendency to be attached keeps my focus outside myself. And, the more I’ve been attached, the more I’ve felt abandoned – the very thing I was trying to avoid.

I cannot be abandoned if I don't abandon me. How simple and clear is that?!?

I cannot be abandoned if I don’t abandon me. 
How simple and clear is that?!?

I wrote a short poem that gave me my key to freedom.

Without Anyone

I thought I had to hold
On to you
Because it was better than
Being without anyone.

Refusing to notice
That
I was there
All along.

Oh my goodness, what an immediate and dramatic shift! I can’t be abandoned if I don’t abandon me by running off in search of someone who won’t abandon me!!!

I am loving being here with me, for me. Ah, the consistency. The immediacy!

I have done a lot of work around abandonment over the last 30 years. And, it had significantly lessened it’s grip on me. Yet, not until now did I realize that me staying with me radically reduces my suffering, regardless of whether others stay or go.

I’ve now created a daily practice and an “in the moment” practice to develop a new groove to replace that well-worn attachment rut . . .

So, what about you? What old pattern wants to dissolve, be released?

Post your comments and insights below.

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Extended: still time to win between now and Jan 6th!!

Win a solo retreat in Santa Fe (A $1900 value)!!!!!
(Or we can do it on the phone if traveling doesn’t fit for you.)

(Read about the retreats to see if one speaks to you:
http://annstrong.com/retreats/)

We have been hard at work for months and are so happy to share the new beautiful, spacious website!
http://annstrong.com/

I was sad because we were not able to bring the comments on the blog to the new site when we made the move. I have figured out a way to remedy that! Bribery!!!

Between now and Jan 6, 2015, if you will take the time to look at the blog and make a comment on 10 or more of the blog posts, I will enter you into a drawing for a facilitated solo retreat with me in New Mexico.
Read all about the retreats at: http://annstrong.com/retreats/

We will announce the winner of the retreat in the Jan 7th newsletter . . .

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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

How Might Whole Use of Empathy Look?

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Earlier this week, I passed my oral exam and officially became a Certified Strengths Strategy Coach!  I’ve never been certified in anything before. So this is significant because of how strongly I believe in the value of going deeper with the Gallup StrengthsFinder™ assessment.

While all 34 strengths are created equal, a few seem to create more havoc AND, when used at an optimal “volume” create extraordinary outcomes. 

Empathy tops that list.  I know this one from personal experience – Empathy is my 2nd strength and in the top 5 for dozens of my clients, friends and colleagues.

flowers in a field

My Empathy loves feeling these sunflowers
and evergreens in the mist!

 

And what I’ve noticed over the years:  whole use of Empathy, optimal volume of Empathy, involves two things: mindfulness and boundaries with Empathy for those around us and a practice of Empathy for ourselves.

Mindfulness and Boundaries with Empathy
for Those around Us
From sheer necessity, I made a deal with Spirit a few years ago:  If it is optimal, I will feel it.  If it isn’t, I won’t.  It took me awhile to come to this specific boundary because I wrestled with optimal for whom.  Eventually my 3rd strength, Connectedness, kicked in to remind me: for all.  Now, when I do feel someone else’s pain, excitement, grief – whatever it is – I often name it or ask about it.  Which then tends to open up life-affirming conversations because that person feels so seen.

Mindfulness and boundaries show up in many different forms.  One of my clients is vigilant about visualizing an energy bubble around herself at all times.  She still feels others, but their feelings don’t come into her own energy field and deplete her.  Another uses her strength of Adaptability to moderate Empathy.  One of my friends believes Empathy is one of his greatest gifts and only occasionally feels the need to take time for himself to re-energize.  I consider him a bit of a saint!

A Practice of Empathy for Ourselves
One of the most powerful and overlooked practices with any and all of our strengths involves using them toward ourselves, in relationship with ourselves.  This tends to be a brand new concept for most of us.

Wow!  Look at all of that untapped potential in the most important relationship of our lives – the one with ourselves.  How different is my experience of my own life when I give myself the gift of Empathy within?!?

This one idea has changed the course of my life.  As I have become more compassionate and less judgmental with myself, I have lessened my internal struggle.  As I have paid attention to how I feel, I have less of a need for others to understand how I feel.  And, I’m better able to communicate my feelings and needs in a way that my loved ones can hear!

What about you?  If Empathy is in your top 5 StrengthsFinder™ strengths, how might you play with it a bit? Even if it isn’t in your top 5 or you haven’t taken the StrengthsFinder asessment, what do you notice about Empathy for you?

Post your comments, insights and progress below.

If you haven’t yet taken the StrengthsFinder™ assessment, I highly recommend it!

It costs $19.99 and takes 30 – 40 minutes to complete.

They will immediately email you your top 5 strengths and a report about them.

I would love to know your to 5 strengths, if you’d like to share them with me!

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Feeling Disoriented or Lost?

If you are feeling disoriented or lost and sense you are being called to a deeper relationship with the Divine, let’s have a conversation to explore if the one-on-one Align with Source coaching program would be a good fit for you.

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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Find Your Strongest Life: Singing Me to Her

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I remember a line from a song in the Dances of Universal Peace, “Mother Earth God, she is calling me . . .” and a line from the movie, Australia, “I will sing you to me.”

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What would it take for me to hear Her song more?

Well, the New Mexico land sings me to Her.  Recently, I’ve heard the song for a while and wasn’t finding time in my schedule to answer her call.  So She spontaneously cleared my schedule for a few days!

I just got back from Taos two nights ago.

What I noticed being there: she sings me to Her because I am a stronger version of me when I’m there.  I am in tune with myself, the natural rhythm of my life and of Life itself.  I am aligned with both my spiritual Self and my human self.  Whole.  Needing nothing.  Being.  Present.  Breathing deeper.  And taking in the incredible nurturance of the Earth herself.

Ah . . . . . . . . . .

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Ah, the melodies of the trees, the clouds, the sky . . .

I lived there for two years in 1999 – 2000.  I get the sense that I will be living there again.  Maybe sooner than I imagine.  Certainly, I will listen for and follow her song more . . .

What about you?  What calls you?  What puts you in tune with yourself, the natural rhythm of your life and of Life itself?  What aligns you with both your spiritual Self and your human self?

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The path home . . .

Post your comments, insights and progress below.

Thank you for playing with me today!

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Align with Source coaching

If you are ready to start a business, go to the next level with your business, change careers or radically transform your life, let’s have a conversation to explore if the one-year, one-on-one Align with Source coaching program would be a good fit for you.

==========================

My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Spiritual Awareness: Who Are We as Divine Wholeness?

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Take a deep breath.  Who are we as Divine Wholeness?

Divine: of God, sacred.  When we divine (verb), we experience insight, intuition. 

Wholeness: full, complete. Not broken, damaged or impaired.

If we are Divine Wholeness, what of our humanness?  Such a delightful and annoying question! 

Some days I cannot comprehend why we would choose all these earthly contrasts rather than hang out in our infinite home in the spiritual realm.  Other days, I feel moved to tears by this extraordinary experience of life in my body, here in this incredibly imperfect, perfect world.

072314 Blog Post

I’ve noticed that I take many variations of this same scene – lots of land
and even more sky.  I think it’s one of my ways of staying in touch with my
humanness the – the earth – and my Divine Wholeness – the infinite sky . . .

It certainly lightens my perspective when I remember to remember that I am first Divine Wholeness.  And, it really lightens my experience when I become present enough to experience my Divine Wholeness.

What about you?  What is your sense, your experience: Who Are We as Divine Wholeness? How does being with this question shift your perspective and experience?

I’d love for you to post your comments, insights and progress below.

Mindfulness: Playing to Play Instead of Playing to Win

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How does it shift your experience of life if you play to play instead of playing to win?

For me the most wonderful and miraculous difference: when I play to play, I allow myself the simple perfection of being in the moment.  When I’m playing to win, I instead experience a subtle, and often not-so-subtle, anxiety about the future.  I also experience nagging thoughts about my worthiness.  If I don’t win, then I’m not good enough, right?  If I do win, how will I keep proving myself?

teamwork

How great is it to be fully present in the moment, playing to play
without self-conscious concern about outcome?

So, with innocent curiosity and without judgment, would you like to experiment for yourself?

If so, for the next 24 hours, simply notice as you go through each of the activities of your day whether you are playing to play or playing to win?  Then, observe your thoughts about how you’re playing and observe what feelings those thoughts are generating.

To living our Radiance . . .

Feel free to post your comments, insights and experiences below.

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STRONG YOU? Are you in the Denver area?

Want to spend an afternoon diving into
your strengths? 

Or diving a bit deeper if you’ve been playing
with yours for awhile?

We have a few spaces left in an experiential
StrengthsFinder workshop on Wed, June 25.

Is one of them yours? Come play with us!
http://www.annstrong.com/strong-you-strong-life

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My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Allowing Flow: Present and Curious

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Awhile back, in the middle of a tense conversation with my sweetie, I could feel my mood going lower and lower.  Instead of engaging fully in what was quickly becoming an argument, I instead got curious.

What would it take to not go to a low mood?

Instead of firing back my good argument, I sat quietly, looking at the clouds.  Really looking, being present to the wonder of the clouds.  All of the sudden, my argument became irrelevant.  In an instant, I lost interest in proving my point.

I told him I didn’t need to go on, that I could let it go.  And I did.  Just like that. My mood immediately bounced back up.

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Some of my best friends are trees and clouds.  The
more time I spend outside, the more present I become.
The more present I am, the less I get upset with the
“small stuff.”

What had happened?  How did I access that beautiful miracle?  I became more interested in a high mood and connection (to the clouds, to me, to him) than in “winning” an argument.  I held the situation lightly and became present to the moment.  In the preciousness of the moment, the argument made no sense.

When we begin to notice more consistently that our innate well-being is always available, we naturally begin to make more choices consistent with it.

So, what about you?  What does this bring up for you?

Feel free to post your comments, insights and experiences below.

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Are you in the Denver area?

Want to spend an afternoon diving into your strengths? 

Or diving a bit deeper if you’ve been playing with yours for awhile?

We have a few spaces left in an experiential StrengthsFinder workshop on Wed, June 25.

Is one of them yours? Come play with us!

http://www.annstrong.com/strong-you-strong-life

==========================

My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Conscious Choice: Mild Preferences Free Us

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All suffering comes from our need to have things a certain way.

I can hear your protests.  I can hear them because I’ve had them, too.  I still sometimes have them.  “I’m suffering because of this illness or physical pain.”  “I’m suffering because someone I love died.”  “I’m suffering because I don’t have enough money.”  And our lists go on.

When I feel sick or experience pain, even chronic pain, it is my thinking that causes the suffering.  “I shouldn’t be in pain.  I’m tired of this.  When will I feel better? I can’t take another minute of this . . .”  When I accept what is, when I allow things to be as they are, rather than how I think I need them to be, then the suffering stops.

I may still be uncomfortable with the pain and that too will shift.  When I have a mild preference for being pain-free, then I create more space for the pain to ease or for me modify how I do my day even while experiencing the pain.

beautiful middle aged woman

Mild preferences move us toward accepting what is. 
As we accept what is, we eliminate suffering.

When we feel out of control, we tend to have strong preferences.  We become very attached to those preferences and when they don’t happen, we feel even more out of control.  Quickly, we spin into a downward spiral.

If instead, we can use the feeling of being out of control as the signal to dial back our preference to mild, we then begin an upward spiral.  “It would be great if I felt better,  And, I don’t feel so good at the moment.  And, this is what I can do even while feeling this way.”

Mild preferences move us toward accepting what is.  Because the preference is mild, I’m fine even if I don’t get what I prefer in a moment.  My own personal experience in working with dialing back my preferences to mild: what I would prefer often naturally comes to pass.  I suspect this happens because I don’t have such heavy, attachment energy involved in the mix.

So, what about you?  In what area of your life might you like to play with dialing your preferences back to mild?

Feel free to post your comments, insights and experiences with your strengths below.

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Curious about living and working from your strengths?
Strong You Strategy Consultation

I have a gift for three fortunate people!
Are you one of them?

You may be one of them if:

–  You have taken the StrengthsFinde (SF) assessment and know your top 5 strengths or would like to take it now and learn your top 5 strengths.

–  You have a big vision or an inkling of what’s next for you, yet you’re frustrated by lack of progress or challenges.

–  You know instinctually that you’ll bring your big vision to reality by strengthening your strengths rather than trying to fix your weaknesses.

To receive this gift, be one of the first three people to email me with your top 5 SF strengths and a couple of sentences about your big vision and challenges.

==========================

My book, “Thriving Work” is now available
on Kindle at Amazon for just $3.99:
Click here to order

Spiritual Growth: More Fully Present

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After writing last week about how to live on 24 hours a day, I learned that the 43-year-old sister of one of my former clients had died unexpectedly.

What a poignant, bittersweet, neon-sign reminder to live each moment fully.  I had never met her sister, but my client talked of her often.  She had two sisters, I have three.  We often shared about our activities and trips with our sisters.

Ann Strong and sisters, Jenny, Cathy, Julie. Spiritual growth: capturing more beautiful present moments . . .

Me and my sisters on one of our annual Sister’s Ski Weekends – maybe 8 or 10 years ago. (Left to right: Jenny, Cathy, Julie, Ann.) 2010 was our 19th year. I had gotten out of the habit of taking pictures. My spiritual growth: I am now rededicating myself to capturing more beautiful present moments . . .

I can only imagine the depth of her grief.  My heart goes our to her. And, I immediately called my own sisters to touch base and tell them how much I love them.

In the days since then, I have been so aware of the importance of our relationships.  Our love for, caring about and connection to others defines the quality of our lives.

I have rededicated myself to my spiritual growth of being more fully present with the precious gift of whomever is right in front of me – one of my sisters, a client, my sweetheart, a friend, my barista, a stranger on the street corner, a new acquaintance at a meeting . . .

I have also rededicated myself to reaching out more. Loving more.  Letting go of anger in a moment, rather than days later.  Choosing to replace judgment with compassion.  

Here’s to living each moment more fully present to the love that I am and taking the time to recognize the love in those around me . . .

Self-Acceptance: Resist Nothing

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The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism remind us that all suffering comes from resisting what is, having an attachment to needing something different.  In Pema Chodron’s book, “Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears,” states, “We have absolutely no tolerance for uncertainty.”

 

Yet, life is constantly in flux.  Nothing remains the same.  Therefore, mighten we significantly lessen our suffering by increasing our tolerance for ebb and flow, unpredictable actions of others and whatever we consider problematic?

 

Ah, but easier said than done?  Indeed.  And worth every moment of practice. 

 

My recent practice involves noticing my most minute and huge mood shifts and reactions to my interactions with others.  The moment I feel even the slightest tension within me in response to a conversation with someone, I take a pause. 

 

I then allow myself to become aware of what’s causing the tension: I didn’t like feeling ignored, I feel “less-than” as I listen to someone else’s success, I feel fear . . . . whatever energy, thought or feeling seems to be causing me even the slightest suffering.  I then simply breathe and allow the energy, thought or feeling to be.

 

Instead of causing myself tension around feeling ignored, thinking I’m “less than” or feeling fear, I simply notice the energy, thoughts or feelings.  When I can give myself a bit of time and breath around the tension, then the tension simply dissipates because I’ve made a conscious choice to allow and accept, rather than resist. 

 

And then, I don’t spend the next hour, day or lifetime taking action from feeling ignored, “less than” or afraid AND the  tension of not wanting to feel that way!  

 

Care to join me in this life-affirming practice?

 

Feel free to post your comments . . .

Attracting Clients: Creating Space to Grow Your Business

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I skipped out on writing a Sacred Space Notebook ezine last week so that I could enjoy a little personal sacred space.   Uncharacteristic of me, I did it spontaneously. Normally, I like to plan retreat time.

This one called me.  I could have ignored the call and powered through, but I decided that at the very least it would be a good experiment, and I’d be less attached to doing things in a rigid structure because I am “suppose to.”

And, early reports are good.  No readers died without me.  Very few unsubscribed!  As for me, the freedom felt so delicious, that I am now doing the first hour or two of my work every day in my big office, the 330 acres of park two blocks from my little office!

With all of this wonderful space – both time and acreage – I need a bigger notebook to capture all my creativity.  I’m not only recharged, I’m on fire!  And now, fanning the flames daily in the open air, or at least with the car window rolled down . . .

Amazingly, by choosing to skip writing one article, I’ve since written several pieces.  And, I have new ideas for articles, talks and an ebook, I coached my clients more deeply and I had three conversations in one day with potential new clients – two of them spontaneously!

Ahhhhhhhh . . . the power of  a little bit of breathing room . . .

Care to join me in this delicious and effective business-building strategy?

Feel free to post your response in the comments . . .