Self-Awareness

A Peek into a Private Conversation about Self-Love

by

Today, I have the honor of sharing with you a private email conversation between me and one of my courageous clients, Hailey, (with her express permission, of course), exploring a bit about self-love.

“Ann, I’m sitting in my room with the window open listening to Nina Simone covers, feeling everything so deeply…

I’ve been wanting to touch more on the topic of self-love with you {my favorite 🙂 }.

If you feel comfortable sharing, may I ask what your road to self-love was like? I understand it’s an ongoing practice that we all must work to maintain. And, was there a moment in particular when you allowed yourself to step more into self-love and move away from harsh self-criticism/self-hatred?

Because, I often wonder if my self-consciousness and lack of self-acceptance will ever go away. I guess it really comes down to feeling peace in/with oneself.

When did you get to the point where you felt peaceful in who/what you are? I know each of us is on our own journey but I feel like it would be wonderful to hear your experience with this topic.”

A Peek into a Private Conversation about Self-Love

“Hi Hailey,

I’m happy to answer you and I don’t think there was one big ah-ha moment. Three thing I do know:

1. Coaching, talking deeply, to my niece Alisha for the past 16 years, since she was 11 (and I was 40) has really soften me toward myself. Sort of like I became aware of how much I wanted to support her in loving self-talk, so I had to do it for me, too.

2. When I was 34, my boyfriend died of a drug overdose before we could find help. I had to get really clear on why I chose to keep living. At that time, I realized it was about love. He was the most purely loving person I’ve ever known and I committed to honoring him by being more loving myself. And that started with me – loving me more unconditionally.

In a way, at that time, it was sort of easy because with so much grief, my defenses were down.

3. I really took to heart that thing about putting my own oxygen mask first (on the plane) before I try to help anyone else. If I wasn’t going to love and take care of myself, who would?

What might you hear in all of this for you?

Love, Ann”

“Oh Ann, THANK YOU. This is beautiful. I’m grateful for you sharing all of this with me. Truly, it means a lot to me.

I am hearing SO many things in all of this; I mostly asked the question because I sometimes wonder if it’s even totally POSSIBLE to love oneself and thus be in flow. I’m hearing that life can be full of suffering in one moment and full of beauty and magic in another moment. I’m hearing proof of the human condition!

I also hear that pain softens you. I totally understand this. It’s almost as if pain breaks you open in a way that allows for the possibility of more love to flow in. At least that can be the case sometimes.

I’m hearing that perhaps there is no correct path to the “enlightenment” I’m looking for, aka total self-acceptance. I’m hearing that it’s mostly about choice – do I choose to accept myself in THIS MOMENT or do I not? It’s simply a yes or no question.

I’m remembering a conversation we had where you mentioned that sometimes you don’t even need your coach to answer questions because you’re able to answer them yourself just by asking the question in the coaching space.

I feel that way in this situation. I know what to do and I suppose I was just looking for an affirmation in another person’s experience other than mine. Because, like I said, sometimes I feel so much resistance to myself and the way things are that I doubt life will ever be truly peaceful. I understand now that life’s one moment at a time.

Thank you for reflecting on this with me Ann.”

So, what about you? What do you hear in this for you?

What Can We Rely on When Things Seem Uncertain?

by

The change of administration in Washington here in the U.S. has many people feeling uncertain about what the future holds. The truth is that we never know what the future holds. And, times of transition tend to make us hyper-aware of that.

So, what can we rely on?

For some it’s faith and spiritual practice. For others it’s their own internal strengths and gifts.

While I rely on my faith and spiritual practice as well as my internal strengths and gifts, I also rely on my relationship with nature.

Here’s a 3-minute clip from a talk I gave at church this past summer about how nature sustains me.

Nature Shows Me that I Do Belong

I’d love to know what you rely on when faced with uncertainty . . .

What If We Could Actually Create a New Reality?

by

A Course of Love tells us that we’ve been creating in response to “reality.” It goes on to tell us that we are now called to create reality – a new reality.

As we here in the United States are about to swear in a new president, it can easily look like we must create something in response to this “reality.” As I look down that road, that looks like fighting, division and righteousness – at best.

What If We Could Actually Create a New Reality?

The road that got us here probably isn’t going to take us where we’d like to go . . .

Which makes me super curious what it means to create a new reality. What if I could create a new reality, not in response to what seems to be “reality?” What if you could? What if we could? What could we do together?!?

I don’t know the answers yet. And, instinctively, it does feel like the right question.

What’s your sense? What’s on your heart and in your mind? I’d love your comments and insights below.

How Can You Be the Light that You Are?

by

To be the light that we are, all we need do is release resisting, denying and fighting with ourselves.

From December 22, 2009:

Yesterday, to celebrate the Winter Solstice, I spent time in City Park hanging out near one of my favorite trees and watching (what seemed like) ten thousand geese. A couple of years ago, I “heard” that this particular tree’s name is Grace. which suits her so beautifully. She embodies natural, elegant grace.

How Can You Be the Light that You Are?

Grace and her partner, Slim

As I pondered the gifts of the Solstice, I realized how completely and effortlessly Grace is Grace, the Light that is Grace. As is each of those geese the Light that is each of them. Goose number one: the Light that is Goose number one. Goose number two: the Light that is Goose number two. (I haven’t learned each of their names, yet!)

Without any strain, second-guessing or stress, every tree and every goose in the park is naturally and fully the Light that they are.

So, today, this day after the darkest day in the northern hemisphere, I offer you my deepest wish of this sacred season, given to me by the trees and the geese.

May you pause for a moment now to recognize and fully take in the completely unique Light that you are, a blessing to the world. No need to do anything, no need to be different than you are, no strain, no second-guessing, no stress. Simply breathing into the Light that is you.

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own Being.”
– Hafiz

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below. Proclaim your true identity here now!

What If There’s Huge Value in Not Reaching Our Goals?

by

Two of my clients didn’t reach goals around their health this year. Another didn’t reach his financial goals. I had high hopes for getting my two-year-old cat, Miles, healthy by the end of the year. We aren’t there yet. This may sound strange coming from a coach who makes her living helping clients reach their goals.

So, here’s the thing: When we don’t reach the goals our human ego sets, we have the opportunity to create a deeper, more intimate relationship with ourselves. We become a new person on the way to achieving the human goals. And, we get further in those human areas than if we hadn’t set the goals.

The two clients who have goals around their health are becoming far more self-compassionate, self-loving and their own best friends.

The client with financial goals is learning to give himself credit for being in the process. He’s also learning about his inner security as he works on his outer security.

What If There’s Huge Value in Not Reaching Our Goals?

As for me and Miles, I’ve gotten to experience his unconditional affection, no matter how he feels. I’m learning patience and accepting what is. I’m learning that me being nervous and frustrated affects both of us poorly.

For all of us, we have the opportunity to set new goals, perhaps with a bit more wisdom about ourselves.

So what about you? Are there goals you didn’t reach this year? If so, how might you find the huge value for you?

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

Happy Solstice!

What’s the True Value of Remembering Who We Are?

by

Recently, one of my clients thought she didn’t have what it took to change a habit. Another wasn’t sure she had enough entrepreneurial drive to develop a successful business. And another didn’t feel she had support in her life.

The solution for each of them is exactly the same. The solution for any lack that you or I feel is the same. Remembering who we are.

When each of us knows, really knows in our bones, that we are The Entire Ocean in this one unique drop, then we lack nothing. Nothing.

What’s the True Value of Remembering Who We Are?
Ah, to be as clear on who we are as are these magnificent horses.

For the first client, when she owns that she is fortitude and strength and love and Spirit incarnate, then she dissolves that habit. When the second one knows that she is God-driven, then she can do anything. And, when the third one recognizes that she is Support, then she no longer looks for support.

So what about you? What do you tell yourself that you lack? When you become quiet and still and straighten your spine, what do you know about who you are?

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below. Proclaim your true identity here now!

What Is the Best Way to Easily Sign More Clients?

by

Shift your focus.

Inevitably, when I get into the nitty gritty with one of my clients about what’s in the way of them signing new clients, the root of the issue is some variation of self-focus and self-consciousness.

I hear things like:
“I don’t like to ask them to become a client.”
“If they want to hire me, they’ll ask me.”
“I’m not good at sales.”
“I don’t want to ask them to pay now because their first session isn’t until Thursday.”
“I don’t have my website up yet.”

Where is the focus? I, me, my concerns, my ideas.

What Is the Best Way to Easily Sign More Clients?

As the sun does not concern itself with whether or not it feels like rising today, so too can we show up and serve without concern about nonsensical internal chatter.
(Photo credit: Eric Saltmarsh, Eldorado at Santa Fe)

What if we shift the focus of ourselves and onto the potential client?

Why might the client need us to ask them to become a client? Because change is scary. They are hiring us to support them in making changes. What happens if we start supporting them now by asking them to become a client so they can receive support throughout the change process?

What happens for the client if we wait for them to ask to become a client? They find many clever ways to procrastinate, forget, resist and wander away from the very changes they would love to make.

What if you quit thinking about how good or not good you are at sales and instead put your focus on serving the client? Would it serve them to sign up with you now? Then sign them up.

If the person in front of you has told you they want to become a client and scheduled their first session for Thursday, then have them seal their commitment to themselves by having them pay now.

A client is not signed up until they pay. No exceptions.

And, if they aren’t signed up, they’ll find many reasons to change their mind about meeting Thursday. Take that fretting of the table for them. Now.

And, what does having your website up have to do with your clients’ needs? If someone is in front of you now, ready to change, sign them up. Whether you have a website or went for your walk this morning.

If you would love to serve more clients and make more money in the process, then take your focus off yourself. Put your focus on the needs and concerns of the people in front of you. Be prepared to be amazed by how many new clients you sign!

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

How Do We Stop Election Fear from Within?

by

One of my mentors, Dicken Bettinger, posted thoughts on Facebook worth repeating here today.

“The real question is not what will happen as a result of this election.

Politicians do not determine the overall level of well-being of those who live in their country.

To me, the real questions are:

  • Can we look within and set aside our judgmental thoughts of others?
  • Can we find love and understanding in our hearts?
  • Can we bring these feelings to each other, especially those who disagree with us?
  • Can we find tolerance deep in our souls, especially for those who see life differently than we do?
  • Can we find within us the spirit of cooperation that is based on tolerance and respect so that we can truly work together to create a society that is looking out for what is best for the whole rather than just our own self-interests?

How Do We Stop Election Fear from Within?

The problems of the world ultimately will not be resolved on a political level. The problems of the world will ultimately be resolved only by each of us bringing more love and understanding into the world.

May we all get better at listening for, and to, the inner wisdom that continues to guide us toward a more peaceful and loving world community.”

– Dicken Bettinger, originally published on Facebook

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

What If We Love the Beautiful and the Mess?

by

A few weeks ago, after working with a client, I was reflecting on the messiness of being human. The piece below came forth. Yesterday, I was agitated about the messiness of my own life and thought it might be good to share this piece!

What If We Love the Beautiful and the Mess?

So, I’m not getting my work done as fast as I’d like . . . Do I really want to overlook the pure joy in this “annoyance?”


All of It

Without perfection,
there’s presence.

Without criticism,
expression.

Without procrastination,
progress.

Attempting perfection
brings completion.

Hearing criticism,
compassion.

Procrastinating,
a bit of movement.

Breathing in,
Breathing out,
completing the circle
of being alive.

As always, I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)

Who Is Our Best Self When We Make Mistakes?

by

This is a question I asked myself after I’d sent an email to a new client with a typo in her email address. Needless to say, she didn’t receive it. And, I didn’t realize that for several days.

Here’s the answer that came to me when I asked myself, “What does my best self look like when I make a mistake?”

She apologizes. And, quickly and fully admits she messed up. She fixes whatever she can. She asks the other person what they need for it to be cleaned up. If it fits for her, she does whatever the person requested or offers what does fit for her.

She loves herself throughout. She doesn’t criticize, demean or shame herself. She good-heartedly acknowledges her humanness.

Who Is Our Best Self When We Make Mistakes?

Ah, to be as shimmery as this begonia flower, even as I am correcting a mistake.

She lets it go. With lightness and humility, she moves on . . .

What does your best self say? I’d love your thoughts and comments below.

(Excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Strong from Within: Simple perceptions and practices for transforming stress and overwhelm into clarity and purpose”)